This time Michael slept longer than the other naps. He was exhausted. But finally he woke up, still tangled in Poe, though the other had slipped from inside him at some point in their sleep.
"Mmmm," he groans quietly, feeling the bruise on his chest and he smiled, pressing his fingers to it and it quickened his pulse there was something special about that mark but he didn't understand it, he just enjoyed it.
It was that echo of sensation, even the edge of emotion that had Poe stirring in turn from where he'd ended up half curled up against Michael's side instead of completely on top of him as he had been.
The fact that he'd managed to shift positions without actually stirring either of them awake was probably a good thing, as it meant they were both sleeping more deeply than they had before.
He just smiled at the sound, shifting over so that he could press a kiss to the slope of Michael's shoulder, "Yeah?"
He laughed warmly in response, shaking his head and just scraping his teeth against the spot he'd just kissed, not a bite and not even really a nip, just a press and slide with the edges of his teeth, though he did say: "There's doughnuts, you hungry?"
Michael's shoulder rolls slightly at the scrape of teeth. It sent a brief shiver through him but one he could mostly let pass. He exhales a bit and reluctantly pushes himself up onto one of his elbows.
Poe nodded, managing to roll off of Michael again, rolling his shoulders and stretching, finally pulling himself up to sit, checking the time just on reflex, "Oh, we were out for a few hours." It was surprised more than anything, but it wasn't a problem either way.
He pushed himself to his feet, going just far enough to pick up the doughnut box off the table and drop back down to the bed to sit, setting it between them and popping it open.
Michael shifted up but not completely just holding himself up as the other set the box down between them. He reached for one of the doughnuts and eyed the other.
"You said we'd talk about it," he says lightly, his free hand going to his heart, rubbing it gently and looking at Poe.
He nodded, stuffing a bite of doughnut into his mouth so that he didn't answer right away, as he didn't quite trust himself not to be altogether too honest about it at the moment.
He'd managed to settle himself a little by the time that he'd swallowed, "About that one, or about what it means?" Because if Michael just wanted to talk about the intention bite itself, and why it had been as intense as it had, Poe had a working theory, but if what he meant was discussing the bond bite, that was a different answer.
Michael looks down at his doughnut and he hesitates over the answer to the question. He isn't the one that had said they'd talk about it after all. But posed with the question there's really only one answer.
He nodded, the next bite on reflex because he knew he was going to need the sugar, "I think we imprinted." That was an easy answer, easier than he'd expected it to be, certainly, and he just hoped that it wasn't something that Michael hadn't heard of.
It wasn't exactly rare, but it wasn't entirely common, either, especially since the tradition of intention bites had begun to fall to the wayside.
"We'll be able to feel what the other one's feeling, like an echo." It was the best explanation he had, "Not physically, though we might if we're already in physical contact, but definitely emotionally."
A little shake of his head, talking around his next bite of doughnut, "Not like full-on telepathy I don't think, some people say that happens, but I don't really know. I, uh, haven't actually had this happen before." Even the intention bite to the inside of Jess' arm hadn't caused an imprint, and he hadn't bitten Snap at all, they'd just been making plans for the future.
Michael's quiet a little after that. The thing is is that he wants a bond with Poe and it always feels like it's never going to be the right time and he's always worried he'll end up rejected becuase well... eventually Poe's going to find better than him. It's inevitable.
And it brings to mind the bites that he'd had that he hadn't wanted that left him messed up years ago. It's been a long time since then and he's not worried about that happening but it's hard not to think about it in passing.
"Poe..." he idly takes another bite and pushes himself up a little more. "Why would it do that? Was it on purpose or...?" he wouldn't be mad if it was but he hadn't heard of this happening to anyone personally, then again his experience in the world is limited to a certain type.
"It wasn't on purpose, and I don't think anyone actually knows why it happens to some people and not to others, but there's always legends and superstitions about that kind of thing."
Another little shrug, picking at his doughnut, just eating shreds of it instead of actual bites, "Some people say it's fate, some people say it's just the right balance of hormones in the right people."
Michael groans and he shoves a huge chunk of doughnut into his mouth before rolling over onto his back, licking his fingers as he finishes it off.
"Maybe the universe saw how much I wanted it and decided to throw me a bone," he groused. And maybe that's the most straightforward he's been about the fact that he wants it.
He feels a bit guilty after saying that, though, glancing over at Poe.
The sound he made upon hearing that wasn't pained, really, though there was an edge of that there, and he set the rest of his doughnut aside, licking a smear of icing off his thumb in an attempt to settle himself a little even as he answered: "You have absolutely no idea how much I want it, too. I mean, fuck, it's why I let you get me on my back as often as I do, just so I can't."
A little head shake, looking at his hands, brow furrowed, "I just don't ever want to make you resent this. Me. Any of it." Regret wasn't high on either of their lists, but resentment was something else, it slipped in around the edges and through the cracks of things, and they had plenty of those still.
Michael feels a surge of frustration and he watches Poe. His brows furrow and he looks away from him. He just felt like nothing he said or did is going to be enough to convince Poe.
"What do I have to do to prove it to you? Are you sure it's not you that's afraid of resenting me?"
"Absolutely not." He replied almost immediately, gaze snapping up to Michael's face again, the conviction in his tone and singing along that imprint between them was just as strong as Michael's frustrations were.
He shook his head, dragging a hand up over his face and through his hair, pulling it back in an attempt to get that tension against his scalp to clear his head a little, "I just don't want to fuck things up for you."
Michael meets Poe's eyes. He knew he meant it. He lowered his eyes again and then rolled over to lay on his back, his arm dropping over his eyes.
"What the fuck does that even mean?" Michael's temper flares a little and something harmless goes flying in the trailer. He clenched his hand a moment. "How is that going to fuck things up for me? They only thing that would fuck me up is if you fucking walk out on me."
And Michael's still not sure he believes Poe won't. There's never been anyone who didn't. Even Max and Isobel had done their share of walking away even if it'd never been permanent.
He glanced up at the clatter of something going flying, and while it wasn't something he'd seen often, he still knew it was something Michael was capable of, and as it wasn't anything coming at them, he could disregard it.
However, that simmering flare and then dissolving bubble of anger had some of Poe's deflating a little as well, settling back a little and while he'd always known that Michael should know some of his history -he knew some of Michael's after all- it had just never been the right time, and maybe it wasn't now, either, but the fact that Michael would know he was telling the truth meant that maybe it was, even if it would be a little bit like poking at a bruise or just yanking the scab off of an old wound.
"There have only been two people I wanted to bond with before you, one of them's dead, killed in action, and the other one doesn't ever talk about what we had. I mean, he's married now, they've got a kid, she's great I love her, I'm her godfather, but it's always just 'we served together' and nothing else." And the worst part about that was that Poe absolutely understood not wanting to talk about it, but he still couldn't help but feel like he was the jinx in both cases.
Michael tilts his head as the other opens up a little bit to him. He watches him carefully. He isn't even sure that he fully understands why he's telling him now but there's maybe a little bit of it there. He reaches out to take one of the other's hands with his good one, lacing his fingers together with his.
"So what? You think something like that's going to happen again?"
"That's exactly what I think, why wouldn't I?" More than that, he didn't want whatever good thing they had to erode just because neither of them wanted to leave first if it wasn't actually good anymore.
Not that he actually thought that would happen, but it might, especially with the number of times Michael had already tried to scare him off, because that seemed like the kind of thing Michael would do instead of leaving himself. Not that Poe thought he was going to do that either, the fear was irrational and on some level he knew that.
The fact that Michael had laced their fingers again was keeping him level, at least, "I don't want this to fall apart because we tried for something we're not supposed to have. Something I'm not supposed to have."
Michael tries hard not to feel angry again but it flares a little bit. He doesn't pull away his hand though. He can't.
"So we can't have it because you think you're cursed or something? So, I'm not supposed to have it either, Poe?"
Michael feels the memories of the unwanted bites he'd gotten, the ones he couldn't choose and the pain of them is more visceral with the fact that the one he wants to choose feels like for some reason he'll never have.
"It's just life, Poe! Shit like that happens to all kinds of people."
It hadn't really occurred to him until Michael said it flat out that his own reluctance about it meant that he was making someone else's decision for them, which was why he just snapped his mouth shut on the instinctive response, the reflexive deflection, and after a brief moment of silence to make sure he wouldn't do so, he said, quietly: "I'm being unfair. I'm sorry. I shouldn't make your decision for you by denying myself something I know we both want."
His tongue darted out over his lower lip, some kind of nervous even though his fingers curled a little more tightly against Michael's own, meeting the other man's gaze, "If, when, we do this, if it starts to go bad later, I need you to promise that you'll tell me and not just let it fester." Because that was really what he was afraid of, not just that he'd lose Michael at all, but that it would be because neither of them could admit that something wasn't working out, "If I'm going to lose you I'd rather it be on good terms."
Michael can't stay angry when Poe reacts like that. He looks down at their hands. It makes him feel better to be able to know that Poe does want it to that Michael isn't just alone in it.
He looks back up at Poe when the other's fingers curl tighter. The change from If.. to when makes his heart skip a beat because a few seconds before he'd felt like it just isn't a possibility.
"I can promise that," Michael says quietly. But he doesn't see it happening. He still thinks that Poe will be the one that ends up wanting to end this and he's dreading it because he knows he's fallen totally in love with the other man. He wants a life, a full life with him and it's terrifying waiting for how it falls apart.
Maybe he wants the bond so bad because he wants that as something more to hold to that this is real and this is permanent in a way he's never had something permanent before aside from Max and Isobel.
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"Mmmm," he groans quietly, feeling the bruise on his chest and he smiled, pressing his fingers to it and it quickened his pulse there was something special about that mark but he didn't understand it, he just enjoyed it.
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The fact that he'd managed to shift positions without actually stirring either of them awake was probably a good thing, as it meant they were both sleeping more deeply than they had before.
He just smiled at the sound, shifting over so that he could press a kiss to the slope of Michael's shoulder, "Yeah?"
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"Hi," he says a bit cheekily.
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"Yeah."
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He pushed himself to his feet, going just far enough to pick up the doughnut box off the table and drop back down to the bed to sit, setting it between them and popping it open.
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"You said we'd talk about it," he says lightly, his free hand going to his heart, rubbing it gently and looking at Poe.
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He'd managed to settle himself a little by the time that he'd swallowed, "About that one, or about what it means?" Because if Michael just wanted to talk about the intention bite itself, and why it had been as intense as it had, Poe had a working theory, but if what he meant was discussing the bond bite, that was a different answer.
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"Both."
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It wasn't exactly rare, but it wasn't entirely common, either, especially since the tradition of intention bites had begun to fall to the wayside.
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"What's that mean, exactly," specifically as he only really knows about it in broad strokes not what it meant for them really.
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A little shake of his head, talking around his next bite of doughnut, "Not like full-on telepathy I don't think, some people say that happens, but I don't really know. I, uh, haven't actually had this happen before." Even the intention bite to the inside of Jess' arm hadn't caused an imprint, and he hadn't bitten Snap at all, they'd just been making plans for the future.
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And it brings to mind the bites that he'd had that he hadn't wanted that left him messed up years ago. It's been a long time since then and he's not worried about that happening but it's hard not to think about it in passing.
"Poe..." he idly takes another bite and pushes himself up a little more. "Why would it do that? Was it on purpose or...?" he wouldn't be mad if it was but he hadn't heard of this happening to anyone personally, then again his experience in the world is limited to a certain type.
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Another little shrug, picking at his doughnut, just eating shreds of it instead of actual bites, "Some people say it's fate, some people say it's just the right balance of hormones in the right people."
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"Maybe the universe saw how much I wanted it and decided to throw me a bone," he groused. And maybe that's the most straightforward he's been about the fact that he wants it.
He feels a bit guilty after saying that, though, glancing over at Poe.
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A little head shake, looking at his hands, brow furrowed, "I just don't ever want to make you resent this. Me. Any of it." Regret wasn't high on either of their lists, but resentment was something else, it slipped in around the edges and through the cracks of things, and they had plenty of those still.
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"What do I have to do to prove it to you? Are you sure it's not you that's afraid of resenting me?"
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He shook his head, dragging a hand up over his face and through his hair, pulling it back in an attempt to get that tension against his scalp to clear his head a little, "I just don't want to fuck things up for you."
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"What the fuck does that even mean?" Michael's temper flares a little and something harmless goes flying in the trailer. He clenched his hand a moment. "How is that going to fuck things up for me? They only thing that would fuck me up is if you fucking walk out on me."
And Michael's still not sure he believes Poe won't. There's never been anyone who didn't. Even Max and Isobel had done their share of walking away even if it'd never been permanent.
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However, that simmering flare and then dissolving bubble of anger had some of Poe's deflating a little as well, settling back a little and while he'd always known that Michael should know some of his history -he knew some of Michael's after all- it had just never been the right time, and maybe it wasn't now, either, but the fact that Michael would know he was telling the truth meant that maybe it was, even if it would be a little bit like poking at a bruise or just yanking the scab off of an old wound.
"There have only been two people I wanted to bond with before you, one of them's dead, killed in action, and the other one doesn't ever talk about what we had. I mean, he's married now, they've got a kid, she's great I love her, I'm her godfather, but it's always just 'we served together' and nothing else." And the worst part about that was that Poe absolutely understood not wanting to talk about it, but he still couldn't help but feel like he was the jinx in both cases.
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"So what? You think something like that's going to happen again?"
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Not that he actually thought that would happen, but it might, especially with the number of times Michael had already tried to scare him off, because that seemed like the kind of thing Michael would do instead of leaving himself. Not that Poe thought he was going to do that either, the fear was irrational and on some level he knew that.
The fact that Michael had laced their fingers again was keeping him level, at least, "I don't want this to fall apart because we tried for something we're not supposed to have. Something I'm not supposed to have."
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"So we can't have it because you think you're cursed or something? So, I'm not supposed to have it either, Poe?"
Michael feels the memories of the unwanted bites he'd gotten, the ones he couldn't choose and the pain of them is more visceral with the fact that the one he wants to choose feels like for some reason he'll never have.
"It's just life, Poe! Shit like that happens to all kinds of people."
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His tongue darted out over his lower lip, some kind of nervous even though his fingers curled a little more tightly against Michael's own, meeting the other man's gaze, "If, when, we do this, if it starts to go bad later, I need you to promise that you'll tell me and not just let it fester." Because that was really what he was afraid of, not just that he'd lose Michael at all, but that it would be because neither of them could admit that something wasn't working out, "If I'm going to lose you I'd rather it be on good terms."
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He looks back up at Poe when the other's fingers curl tighter. The change from If.. to when makes his heart skip a beat because a few seconds before he'd felt like it just isn't a possibility.
"I can promise that," Michael says quietly. But he doesn't see it happening. He still thinks that Poe will be the one that ends up wanting to end this and he's dreading it because he knows he's fallen totally in love with the other man. He wants a life, a full life with him and it's terrifying waiting for how it falls apart.
Maybe he wants the bond so bad because he wants that as something more to hold to that this is real and this is permanent in a way he's never had something permanent before aside from Max and Isobel.
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