Michael just lifts his shoulder. Maybe if he weren't so stressed out and feeling so terrible he would have been better at presenting this whole thing, at being amused by Poe but he just felt stretched thin and like he was going to come apart at the seams. He can't remember the last time he felt so scared. Maybe he'd never been this scared and that made him feel weak.
"Something like that," he mutters, frowning. "Just have always needed answers, think I needed them in a way that Max and Isobel never have but they had each other in a way I didn't have anyone..."
That's not true anymore. He has Poe now but there's still the part of him that doesn't feel like he truly belongs.
He finally eased forward a little, hand settling lightly at Michael's hip to draw him closer, "You didn't, but you do now." His brow creased for a moment, but he was still trying for some kind of levity, even while being entirely serious as he added: "And if I have to learn to read this chicken-scratch so that I can help navigate, I will."
A little one-shouldered shrug of his own, "I mean, I'm that asshole who learned Tengwar on a whim in middle school. Could probably still remember most of it if I had to."
Michael's eyes flicker up to meet Poe's for a brief moment. He's having a hard time letting the levity take any hold but he can see what Poe's trying to do. He exhaled, drawn closer to him and eventually just dropped his head onto his shoulder, closing his eyes.
"Our kid is going to be such a loser," he muttered in response to the other's admission, because, of course.
He looped both arms around Michael then, just keeping him close but ready to let go so he could move if it was too much touch at once.
The response was enough to rattle a brief, almost-surprised laugh out of him, however, just shaking his head, "Yeah, well, they'll have an easier time of it than we did. Probably." If nothing else, they'd have better self-defense reactions, but that wasn't the kind of thing he was going to think about yet, that was in the far future and there were a lot of other things to worry about first.
Michael let Poe wrap his arms around him. He leaned into him and there was a comfort in Poe's closeness, his warmth and the scent of him. Michael tried to focus on that and not the panicked anxious thoughts that were speeding a million miles a minute through his head.
"You'll be a good dad anyway," Michael mumbled. "More than I had." And he was pretty sure that would be enough to make sure that his kid at least had a better life than he had had. If they could keep him safe...
He turned his head a little, mostly just so that he could rub his cheek and jaw against Michael's hair, meant as a comfort as much as anything, "Hey, you know what not to do, and that's a better idea than a lot of people have when they start out."
Poe had some idea as far as what to do, but there was also the fact that after the initial leave period, his parents hadn't actually been parents until he was three or four, and then his mother had passed before his birthday the year he turned eleven.
But he wasn't going to think about that at the moment, instead he was just going to let one hand splay against the middle of Michael's back, drawing him a little closer, "I bet my old crib is still in storage, and we can repaint my old room for the kid."
Michael rolls his eyes but he doesn't have the energy to argue how ridiculous that was. Poe would see the bright side or whatever and believe in Michael. That's probably why things would be okay.
He continued to let Poe hold him, feeling his hand on his back and he nuzzled his face into the crook of the other's neck biting his lip for a moment and he furrows his brow a little as the weight of the other's words hit him. He almost pulled away, there was that ridiculous surge of emotions that almost had him crying again and he isn't sure if the nausea is from sudden anxiety or actual 'morning sickness' again.
"What? We're not going to raise the baby in the airstream and cottage?"
It's clear it's hard for him to believe what the other seemed to imply so he questions it more indirectly.
"We could, sure." He agreed, nodding even as the hand at the middle of Michael's back lifted to sweep gently through his hair, drawing it back from his face and up off the back of his neck, something to help regulate Michael's temperature, because he was pretty sure that was a sudden flush he'd felt, and wanted to make sure it wasn't the precursor to more barfing.
"But there's literally a perfectly good house just, I mean, right there, basically going to waste." Which wasn't entirely the reason he hadn't sold it yet, or something, but was good enough for the emotional workarounds they were using.
Michael exhaled heavily and he was thinking they should probably get out of the bunker sooner rather than later. It felt strange to talk about any of this. He still was processing the fact that it's happening. Everything was crashing down on him so fast.
"Of course." That one was the easy answer, Poe had always wanted to start a family, and maybe this wasn't the best way to do so, but it was far from the worst.
He shook his head just a little a moment later, still running his fingers through Michael's hair, "But it isn't just up to me. You're the one who's going to have to carry it, and I'm not going to be the asshole who makes someone do that because I haven't given up on the dream of a white picket fence life."
“I’m not gonna get rid of it,” Michael says and he knows it’s an option but it doesn’t feel like an option. He can’t imagine doing it and maybe that’s selfish because what’s he dooming a half alien baby too? Even max and Isobel grew up with good parents but being alien was a burden none of them could escape.
“I just don’t know if we’ll manage to have a white picket fence life.”
Michael can’t even imagine what that’s like but beyond that their kid would be in danger and could be dangerous honestly. They don’t have any way to know.
"Picket fence wouldn't look right for the homestead anyway." He replied, a small smile emerging as he pressed another kiss to the top of Michael's head, "And Bee would probably be really upset if we tried to replace him with a dog."
Another head-shake, as if he had to knock himself back on track, "And just because I haven't given up on it doesn't mean it's something that's actually viable, and maybe I'm going to have to adjust my expectations. That's not a bad thing."
“You know what I mean, Poe...” Michael murmurs. Maybe it’s not a literal white picket fence life but what if they had to run? That thought kept coming to his mind because they didn’t know what to expect. Michael finally pulls away from Poe.
“Let’s get out of here,” he said quietly and heads to the ladder to climb out of the bunker. He felt emotional, more emotional than usual and like he was barely holding on to any semblance of control. He still couldn’t quite believe this was happening.
When they got outside he waited on Poe before moving the airstream over the entrance. He pushed his hands through his hair and kicks at the ground which with the intensity of his emotions it hardly took a thought for a telekinetic blast to go with it but it had been aimed away form Poe.
“I feel like I’m going crazy,” and maybe he is. He should just relax and let go of all the stress and worry that he couldn’t do anything about but it felt impossible.
"I know." He'd replied quietly to the first statement, and it was true, and also sort-of what he'd meant by having to adjust his expectations.
His brows both lifted a little at that veritable shockwave, but he moved closer to slide an arm around Michael's waist again all the same, "I can't guarantee that you aren't, but I can say you're arguably as sane as I am."
It was a statement that would either serve as the comfort it was intended to be, or would just make things worse, which was why he continued, "I'm not going to claim I've got everything figured out, either, but I'm good at figuring things out as I go." And if that included being on the run with a kid, well he'd just figure out how to do that, too.
Michael almost wouldn't have expected Poe to come close to him after he did that but he leaned into him when he did. He just snorts a little. Maybe they're both just completely batshit insane. He still is tense and frustrated because all he wants right then is to drink and he can't do that. Sure, Poe wouldn't stop him but Michael couldn't make peace with the idea himself.
"Why are you so good to me?" Michael will probably never really understand what he's done to deserve Poe.
It shouldn't have been that much of a surprise, given as how Poe still found the telekinesis to be a turn-on, though he wasn't thinking about that too hard at the moment. Instead he just leaned closer in turn, mostly so that he could hook his chin over Michael's shoulder even as he gave a little shrug at the question, "I figure it's about time someone was. Might as well be me."
He turned his head to press a kiss to the side of Michael's neck, "Besides, it's not a one-way street, you keep me on the level too." He was quiet for a moment, almost hesitant, but finally added: "If it wasn't for you I'd either be some kind of recluse, or I would have cut town months ago, just left the house to rot." A barely-there shake of his head, "Actually made it over an hour down the highway once before I convinced myself to turn around and come back, because you wouldn't know what had happened and didn't deserve that."
He couldn't remember if he'd said so earlier that morning, but he'd definitely thought it, and even if he had said so, it bore repeating.
Michael leans into him even though maybe he shouldn't give into it so easily when he's seemingly lacking in control at the moment. He just can't help it when it comes to Poe.
Poe had implied similar things before but never so clearly. He frowns at thinking he might have been so close to losing Poe before... He can't imagine life without him, didn't want to and that in itself was somewhat terrifying, almost as much as the idea of bringing a baby into the world.
"How are you not freaking out? I'm freaking out." Michael isn't sure how Poe is staying so calm but he supposed if anyone could it would be Poe...
"Pretty sure it's just because I used up all my freakouts while I was enlisted." He gave a little shrug, arm curling just a little more closely for a moment, "Besides, who would it help if we were both freaking out?"
He also knew that he would have plenty of chances to do so at any point that it seemed like something might be going wrong healthwise both for Michael and for the baby, though Poe had always been the sort for calm concern instead of an actual freakout unless something was seriously wrong.
"Probably a good idea." He agreed, nodding once, though he added: "C'mon, let's get inside so we can sit down." That seemed like the best idea at the moment, though he suspected that sitting still wouldn't last long at the moment, but that was alright too.
If Michael needed to pace a while longer, Poe would let him, the same way he was going to try and get Michael to eat something -or try to- before long. He also wasn't going to make a big deal out of it if Michael wanted to stand outside for a while longer, either.
Michael sighed a little and he knew what Poe was doing and he knew he should let him. He pushes his fingers through his hair and finally nodded. He headed toward the trailer and slipped inside and dropped himself at his table only so he could put his head on it.
Poe followed quietly, wedging himself into a seat as well, just working his fingers down into Michael's hair, scratching delicately at his scalp, honestly more of a scalp massage than anything else.
He was quiet for a moment longer before asking: "What do you need me to do?" Immediate or long term, he'd accept either one, and as far as he was concerned 'I don't know' was also a valid answer right at the moment.
"I don't know, Poe," Michael sighed, he doesn't lift up his head so it's a bit muffled against the table. He feels like he's being dramatic and he should probably come down and just accept what's happening already but it's a struggle.
"Okay." He agreed easily enough, fingers still working against Michael's scalp, "Do you know what you want me to do? Do you need me to narrow that down with some options?"
In his experience, what someone thought they should need and what they just wanted -especially from someone else- weren't always the same thing, and if he could help figure it out via options, he'd be happy to. He leaned in to kiss the back of Michael's head, adding, "And if you just want me to shut up and stop asking questions for five minutes, I can do that, too." though the fact that he was asking questions was probably just the borderline of his version of freaking out about the situation.
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"Something like that," he mutters, frowning. "Just have always needed answers, think I needed them in a way that Max and Isobel never have but they had each other in a way I didn't have anyone..."
That's not true anymore. He has Poe now but there's still the part of him that doesn't feel like he truly belongs.
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A little one-shouldered shrug of his own, "I mean, I'm that asshole who learned Tengwar on a whim in middle school. Could probably still remember most of it if I had to."
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"Our kid is going to be such a loser," he muttered in response to the other's admission, because, of course.
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The response was enough to rattle a brief, almost-surprised laugh out of him, however, just shaking his head, "Yeah, well, they'll have an easier time of it than we did. Probably." If nothing else, they'd have better self-defense reactions, but that wasn't the kind of thing he was going to think about yet, that was in the far future and there were a lot of other things to worry about first.
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"You'll be a good dad anyway," Michael mumbled. "More than I had." And he was pretty sure that would be enough to make sure that his kid at least had a better life than he had had. If they could keep him safe...
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Poe had some idea as far as what to do, but there was also the fact that after the initial leave period, his parents hadn't actually been parents until he was three or four, and then his mother had passed before his birthday the year he turned eleven.
But he wasn't going to think about that at the moment, instead he was just going to let one hand splay against the middle of Michael's back, drawing him a little closer, "I bet my old crib is still in storage, and we can repaint my old room for the kid."
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He continued to let Poe hold him, feeling his hand on his back and he nuzzled his face into the crook of the other's neck biting his lip for a moment and he furrows his brow a little as the weight of the other's words hit him. He almost pulled away, there was that ridiculous surge of emotions that almost had him crying again and he isn't sure if the nausea is from sudden anxiety or actual 'morning sickness' again.
"What? We're not going to raise the baby in the airstream and cottage?"
It's clear it's hard for him to believe what the other seemed to imply so he questions it more indirectly.
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"But there's literally a perfectly good house just, I mean, right there, basically going to waste." Which wasn't entirely the reason he hadn't sold it yet, or something, but was good enough for the emotional workarounds they were using.
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"Are you sure you'd want to...?"
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He shook his head just a little a moment later, still running his fingers through Michael's hair, "But it isn't just up to me. You're the one who's going to have to carry it, and I'm not going to be the asshole who makes someone do that because I haven't given up on the dream of a white picket fence life."
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“I just don’t know if we’ll manage to have a white picket fence life.”
Michael can’t even imagine what that’s like but beyond that their kid would be in danger and could be dangerous honestly. They don’t have any way to know.
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Another head-shake, as if he had to knock himself back on track, "And just because I haven't given up on it doesn't mean it's something that's actually viable, and maybe I'm going to have to adjust my expectations. That's not a bad thing."
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“Let’s get out of here,” he said quietly and heads to the ladder to climb out of the bunker. He felt emotional, more emotional than usual and like he was barely holding on to any semblance of control. He still couldn’t quite believe this was happening.
When they got outside he waited on Poe before moving the airstream over the entrance. He pushed his hands through his hair and kicks at the ground which with the intensity of his emotions it hardly took a thought for a telekinetic blast to go with it but it had been aimed away form Poe.
“I feel like I’m going crazy,” and maybe he is. He should just relax and let go of all the stress and worry that he couldn’t do anything about but it felt impossible.
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His brows both lifted a little at that veritable shockwave, but he moved closer to slide an arm around Michael's waist again all the same, "I can't guarantee that you aren't, but I can say you're arguably as sane as I am."
It was a statement that would either serve as the comfort it was intended to be, or would just make things worse, which was why he continued, "I'm not going to claim I've got everything figured out, either, but I'm good at figuring things out as I go." And if that included being on the run with a kid, well he'd just figure out how to do that, too.
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"Why are you so good to me?" Michael will probably never really understand what he's done to deserve Poe.
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He turned his head to press a kiss to the side of Michael's neck, "Besides, it's not a one-way street, you keep me on the level too." He was quiet for a moment, almost hesitant, but finally added: "If it wasn't for you I'd either be some kind of recluse, or I would have cut town months ago, just left the house to rot." A barely-there shake of his head, "Actually made it over an hour down the highway once before I convinced myself to turn around and come back, because you wouldn't know what had happened and didn't deserve that."
He couldn't remember if he'd said so earlier that morning, but he'd definitely thought it, and even if he had said so, it bore repeating.
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Poe had implied similar things before but never so clearly. He frowns at thinking he might have been so close to losing Poe before... He can't imagine life without him, didn't want to and that in itself was somewhat terrifying, almost as much as the idea of bringing a baby into the world.
"How are you not freaking out? I'm freaking out." Michael isn't sure how Poe is staying so calm but he supposed if anyone could it would be Poe...
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He also knew that he would have plenty of chances to do so at any point that it seemed like something might be going wrong healthwise both for Michael and for the baby, though Poe had always been the sort for calm concern instead of an actual freakout unless something was seriously wrong.
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"I'm gonna have to talk to Liz some more to try and understand how this all..."
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If Michael needed to pace a while longer, Poe would let him, the same way he was going to try and get Michael to eat something -or try to- before long. He also wasn't going to make a big deal out of it if Michael wanted to stand outside for a while longer, either.
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God, everything was such a mess.
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He was quiet for a moment longer before asking: "What do you need me to do?" Immediate or long term, he'd accept either one, and as far as he was concerned 'I don't know' was also a valid answer right at the moment.
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In his experience, what someone thought they should need and what they just wanted -especially from someone else- weren't always the same thing, and if he could help figure it out via options, he'd be happy to. He leaned in to kiss the back of Michael's head, adding, "And if you just want me to shut up and stop asking questions for five minutes, I can do that, too." though the fact that he was asking questions was probably just the borderline of his version of freaking out about the situation.
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