Heahmund and Ivar had been dating for quite some time now, months, not that Heahmund was counting. He'd managed to convince Ivar to switch professors at the least so the conflict of interest was mitigated if barely and Ivar so often still attended lectures anyway or came into his office unannounced. At some point, Ivar had slowly moved in and now shelves were divided, adjustments were constantly being made to make the modest house more accessible for Ivar whether he was supporting himself with braces now and then or moving around in his wheelchair. Heahmund had thought many times that Ivar must find his home dismal, after all he's well aware by now how rich Ivar's family is. He must be used to much finer things than Heahmund has to offer.
But there was some growing tension as Heahmund started to notice the way neighbors were looking at him, the way some professors seemed to eye Ivar whenever he was near Heahmund. Heahmund's home was near the university so most of the neighbors even knew he was a professor there and to have someone who was clearly a lover and barely looking legal and disabled... It'd been difficult to explain to Ivar why they needed to be careful. He might have even gotten a few overly concerned messages...warnings... from other certain family members of Ivar's.
"Ivar," Heahmund said once they got into the house, going to get them both beers as he sits on the couch and looks at his younger lover. Again, Ivar had been physical outside their home, in plain view of the neighbors that Heahmund was concerned of's opinion. "What have I told you about the way we seem outside?"
Heahmund, to his credit, had done everything in his power to dissuade Ivar from continuing this relationship. When he hadn't, he'd set down some ground rules. No being seen at the university together. No sleeping overnight. Minimum contact when they were in public. Slowly but surely, Ivar had broken all of them, and that's when the trouble had started.
He'd started visiting Heahmund's office whenever he had a spare moment, oftentimes bringing him food because he forgot to eat when he got deep into grading papers or creating a lesson plan. Ivar would do his utter best to distract the older man from whatever he was doing to pay attention to him. Usually, it worked.
The second part was broken, funnily enough, purely by accident. Ivar had been diligently leaving before it got too late each night. But on one occasion, he'd simply gotten too tired, and had fallen asleep snuggled up next to Heahmund in bed. He simply hadn't had the heart to wake him up and kick him out, so Ivar had stayed. After that, Ivar simply didn't care. Give him an inch and he'd take a mile.
It was the third part that was currently getting him into trouble with Heahmund. He couldn't help but be frustrated at this covert relationship. He wasn't naive enough to think that people would understand, but he also didn't like having to keep something secret that made him happy. He frowned at Heahmund as they sat on the couch together. "I can't help it. I get so tired of this secrecy all the time. Don't you?"
"No," Heahmund responded quickly, which perhaps denoted how not completely forthright the answer was. "It is for the best, Ivar. Can you not be patient with one thing?"
After all, Heahmund had relented on every other thing and this was the last bastion and he was loathe to back down from it. His stubborn streak could be as ever pervasive as Ivar's could be.
"We have already put ourselves in far too compromising a position already and you know that." His voice was probably infuriatingly calm to the way that Ivar was usually explosive and had grown around those with explosive tempers.
"I've tried to be. But it's been months and you still try everything you can not to kiss me when we're outside the house." He shifted himself onto the edge of the couch and then scooted over to where Heahmund was. Ivar leaned into his body with his head on the older man's shoulder, beer hanging loosely in his hand.
There was a moment of quiet fury in Ivar's eyes before he said, "Sometimes I think you're ashamed of me." It was an awfully manipulative thing to say, Ivar knew, but there was also some truth behind it. Heahmund acted as though this relationship were something shameful instead of something he was supposed to be enjoying.
Heahmund's arm instinctively wrapped around Ivar when the younger came close, leaning against him and he relaxed a little at the closeness of his lover. However, that didn't last long when Ivar mentioned shame. It cut a shock of hot anger through him and he sat up straighter, drawing his arm back almost as quickly as it had been wrapped around Ivar.
"You know better than that, Ivar. You're not stupid, you know well enough why I need to be careful."
He did know better. Ivar had mainly said what he did to hurt Heahmund. Sometimes, he wondered if he himself was deserving of being a relationship with someone who truly loved him. He was so self-destructive and tended to push everyone away who tried to care about him.
He does look apologetic, though he doesn't offer one as he reaches up a hand, resting it on Heahmund's cheek. "We could always go somewhere else, you know. I'm sure you could find a job at another university and it doesn't really matter where I am. Not as long as I'm with you." Ivar had enough money that they could have lived wherever they wanted to.
"You would still be a student," Heahmund said quietly. "And young," he added, not mentioning the disability but he is sure that Ivar could fill in what was left unsaid. "Your family already disapproves."
While Ivar might not care, Heahmund was bothered by it. "You're young, you will understand in time but be patient. You will graduate in a few years," there's a way that he says it that he gives the relationship assumed permanence despite how difficult Ivar is currently being. He leaned in and kissed Ivar softly.
"Everyone disapproves," Ivar pointed out. His older brothers were just the most vocal. He was pretty sure Bjorn was looking for the first excuse to bury Heahmund in a shallow grave. This was saying nothing of those in Heahmund's social circle, his neighbors and fellow professors.
Heahmund's suggestion that this relationship might be long-term warmed Ivar's heart. He'd love to think they might stand the test of time.
"I know." He molded himself to Heahmund's side after he was kissed, head resting on his chest. "I'm sorry that I'm difficult sometimes." Then again, Heahmund seemed to enjoy the push and pull in their relationship.
It’s true. Which is why Heahmund had hid their relationship from everyone in his own circles. Of course, the neighbors have likely figured it out, judged him for it but it hadn’t made it back to the university as far as he could tell. The disapproval of Ivar’s family was enough for Heahmund to deal with.
“You’re not sorry,” Heahmund counters, smirking briefly. His fingers brush through Ivar’s hair and down his back.
“No one would believe that you are the one taking advantage of me,” he teased. It’s a rare joke from him, though, it does hold some truth. It had always been Ivar pushing the boundaries, demanding more and often just taking it no matter the lines Heahmund tried to draw.
Ivar let out a contented sigh when he felt Heahmund's fingers on him. He'd never get used to his lover's touch.
"Why would they? I'm innocent and pure," he said with a chuckle. It was true though. Heahmund had done everything he could to draw a line in the sand and make Ivar stay on one side of it. Ivar was the one who had done his best to seduce Heahmund and had for the most part succeeded.
"I'm hungry. Let's order Chinese tonight," he said, hand slipping under Heahmund's shirt and idly tracing patterns on his muscular form. No matter what anyone else thought, this relationship made him happy, much more so than he'd been in a long time.
Heahmund chuckles softly and his hand rubbed lightly along the other's spine as the other's was idly touching him under his shirt. He was happy too, though, there would always be a concern that maybe is the product of not being young enough to not care about the consequences.
Ivar closes his eyes for a brief moment to let himself be present in the moment, focusing on the senses of touch and sound. With his eyes still closed, he asks a question. "Do you really see yourself still being with me in a few years?"
He wanted to think that Heahmund would want to be with him, but three or four years was a long time. Maybe the novelty of having Ivar in his life would wear off for the older man and he'd move on.
Heahmund tilts his head when the other asks that question and he looks at him as he does. His hand spreads out over his back.
"I'm not young, my attentions aren't easily swayed, Ivar," Heahmund says in way of answer. He can see more than a few years but Ivar is young and who knows when Ivar would tire of him.
Ivar doesn't answer when Heahmund reassures him he's in this for the long haul. He knows Heahmund always tells him the truth and Ivar is grateful for it.
He loves this man so much it almost hurts sometimes. He knows it's foolish, but he's thought about the future a lot, and he can honestly see himself growing old with Heahmund. Well, older, considering the age gap between them. Their passions, intelligence, and emotions were very similar, all things considered.
Finally, he speaks, eyes still closed. "You really care about me that much?" Ivar's extremely needy, but fortunately Heahmund seems to understand, and provide a near endless amount of support.
Heahmund will give him as many assurances as he needs and about as often as he needs them despite sometimes it being frustrating. It is part of dating and loving Ivar.
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For Ivar
But there was some growing tension as Heahmund started to notice the way neighbors were looking at him, the way some professors seemed to eye Ivar whenever he was near Heahmund. Heahmund's home was near the university so most of the neighbors even knew he was a professor there and to have someone who was clearly a lover and barely looking legal and disabled... It'd been difficult to explain to Ivar why they needed to be careful. He might have even gotten a few overly concerned messages...warnings... from other certain family members of Ivar's.
"Ivar," Heahmund said once they got into the house, going to get them both beers as he sits on the couch and looks at his younger lover. Again, Ivar had been physical outside their home, in plain view of the neighbors that Heahmund was concerned of's opinion. "What have I told you about the way we seem outside?"
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He'd started visiting Heahmund's office whenever he had a spare moment, oftentimes bringing him food because he forgot to eat when he got deep into grading papers or creating a lesson plan. Ivar would do his utter best to distract the older man from whatever he was doing to pay attention to him. Usually, it worked.
The second part was broken, funnily enough, purely by accident. Ivar had been diligently leaving before it got too late each night. But on one occasion, he'd simply gotten too tired, and had fallen asleep snuggled up next to Heahmund in bed. He simply hadn't had the heart to wake him up and kick him out, so Ivar had stayed. After that, Ivar simply didn't care. Give him an inch and he'd take a mile.
It was the third part that was currently getting him into trouble with Heahmund. He couldn't help but be frustrated at this covert relationship. He wasn't naive enough to think that people would understand, but he also didn't like having to keep something secret that made him happy. He frowned at Heahmund as they sat on the couch together. "I can't help it. I get so tired of this secrecy all the time. Don't you?"
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After all, Heahmund had relented on every other thing and this was the last bastion and he was loathe to back down from it. His stubborn streak could be as ever pervasive as Ivar's could be.
"We have already put ourselves in far too compromising a position already and you know that." His voice was probably infuriatingly calm to the way that Ivar was usually explosive and had grown around those with explosive tempers.
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There was a moment of quiet fury in Ivar's eyes before he said, "Sometimes I think you're ashamed of me." It was an awfully manipulative thing to say, Ivar knew, but there was also some truth behind it. Heahmund acted as though this relationship were something shameful instead of something he was supposed to be enjoying.
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"You know better than that, Ivar. You're not stupid, you know well enough why I need to be careful."
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He does look apologetic, though he doesn't offer one as he reaches up a hand, resting it on Heahmund's cheek. "We could always go somewhere else, you know. I'm sure you could find a job at another university and it doesn't really matter where I am. Not as long as I'm with you." Ivar had enough money that they could have lived wherever they wanted to.
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While Ivar might not care, Heahmund was bothered by it. "You're young, you will understand in time but be patient. You will graduate in a few years," there's a way that he says it that he gives the relationship assumed permanence despite how difficult Ivar is currently being. He leaned in and kissed Ivar softly.
"I am not ashamed of you."
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Heahmund's suggestion that this relationship might be long-term warmed Ivar's heart. He'd love to think they might stand the test of time.
"I know." He molded himself to Heahmund's side after he was kissed, head resting on his chest. "I'm sorry that I'm difficult sometimes." Then again, Heahmund seemed to enjoy the push and pull in their relationship.
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“You’re not sorry,” Heahmund counters, smirking briefly. His fingers brush through Ivar’s hair and down his back.
“No one would believe that you are the one taking advantage of me,” he teased. It’s a rare joke from him, though, it does hold some truth. It had always been Ivar pushing the boundaries, demanding more and often just taking it no matter the lines Heahmund tried to draw.
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"Why would they? I'm innocent and pure," he said with a chuckle. It was true though. Heahmund had done everything he could to draw a line in the sand and make Ivar stay on one side of it. Ivar was the one who had done his best to seduce Heahmund and had for the most part succeeded.
"I'm hungry. Let's order Chinese tonight," he said, hand slipping under Heahmund's shirt and idly tracing patterns on his muscular form. No matter what anyone else thought, this relationship made him happy, much more so than he'd been in a long time.
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"Alright, whatever you want."
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He wanted to think that Heahmund would want to be with him, but three or four years was a long time. Maybe the novelty of having Ivar in his life would wear off for the older man and he'd move on.
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"I'm not young, my attentions aren't easily swayed, Ivar," Heahmund says in way of answer. He can see more than a few years but Ivar is young and who knows when Ivar would tire of him.
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He loves this man so much it almost hurts sometimes. He knows it's foolish, but he's thought about the future a lot, and he can honestly see himself growing old with Heahmund. Well, older, considering the age gap between them. Their passions, intelligence, and emotions were very similar, all things considered.
Finally, he speaks, eyes still closed. "You really care about me that much?" Ivar's extremely needy, but fortunately Heahmund seems to understand, and provide a near endless amount of support.
maybe fin on this one?
"I do."