Heahmund exhaled at the other's light accusation, though he knows that Ivar is only giving him a hard time. There is some degree of guilt at the fact that he continues to need to deny Ivar from having everything he wanted. He loved the other after all and wanted to deny him nothing even though he was already more than spoiled enough.
Some of the tension drifts away from him as he drives with the other's hand on his arm and he shifts to take his hand in his own as the other stays on the wheel, lacing their fingers together.
"There was," he said simply. After all, that would be the only reason he would have left in such a way. The need to be secretive was in order to preserve both their relationship and his own career until Ivar was finally at least out of university so it wouldn't look... so unethical.
Ivar runs his hand slowly up and down Heahmund's arm. The depth of his feelings towards the older man is almost scary sometimes in its intensity. He's never felt like this way towards anyone ever before. As much as he pushes the limits with Heahmund, he'll never do anything truly malicious to drive him away. That would devastate Ivar.
"Fine. We can go somewhere else," he says without too much argument in his voice. He knows Heahmund has very good reasons for not wanting the university to find out about them, so he tries to respect them.
He can't help his insecurity rising up, and before he can stop himself, Ivar finds himself asking, "Would you still stay with me even if people found out?"
Heahmund frowns at the question as he continues to drive, heading to dinner theater. He really tries not to think too deeply on what would happen if people found out about them but he does know at least the answer to Ivar's question.
"I would but one day I might resent it," he said, he loved his position, he relished the respect of his colleagues and he couldn't guarantee that some point if all that were lost he wouldn't harbor some ill feelings.
Ivar thinks on that answer, glad that Heahmund had been honest with him. With very rare exceptions, Heahmund was almost always honest with him. The transparency was one of the things Ivar appreciated about their relationship. He knew Heahmund would never tell him what he wanted to hear, only what was reality.
"I wouldn't want that." The resentment would be a wedge between them and likely drive them apart at some point. Ivar didn't have very many good things happen in his life. Heahmund was one of the few and he wanted to hold onto him for as long as he could.
"So now you see why I try so hard to keep our private life private for now," Heahmund said and there's a gentleness to his voice. He would like to be able to give into Ivar. There's no shame when it comes to their relationship and his decisions are made out of logic and pragmaticism and a look at their relationship in the long term and not just instant gratification of now.
Age gave him the luxury to have that point of view.
Ivar knows that he's all but got Heahmund wrapped around his finger on just about everything but this one issue. Anything he wants, Heahmund eventually ends up giving in, and letting him have it. He leans over, tracing his fingers lightly over Heahmund's arm and then up the side of his neck to his face.
"You must really love me to put up with so much," he says, words light but with a heavier tone behind them. Ivar's never had anyone who wasn't his parents or Floki who cared for him this much.
"Of course I do," Heahmund smiles briefly. There's an incline in his head to glance at Ivar as he's driving. The traffic becomes a little more thick as they approach the theater and he turns his head to press his lips to Ivar's fingers briefly when they slow to a stop momentarily close to where they need to turn off to the brewhouse theater.
"Do you not really love me as well?" it's somewhat teasing.
There's something so very comforting to Heahmund's words, a solidness that Ivar craves after a lifetime of having the people he cares about leave him alone when he seemed to need them most. It was a promise that Heahmund would never leave him if he could help it.
Ivar leans all the way over, kissing Heahmund on the edge of the mouth. "You already know the answer to that," Ivar says. He loves Heahmund so much and he doesn't see that changing anytime soon. He wants Heahmund around for the long haul.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
Some of the tension drifts away from him as he drives with the other's hand on his arm and he shifts to take his hand in his own as the other stays on the wheel, lacing their fingers together.
"There was," he said simply. After all, that would be the only reason he would have left in such a way. The need to be secretive was in order to preserve both their relationship and his own career until Ivar was finally at least out of university so it wouldn't look... so unethical.
no subject
"Fine. We can go somewhere else," he says without too much argument in his voice. He knows Heahmund has very good reasons for not wanting the university to find out about them, so he tries to respect them.
He can't help his insecurity rising up, and before he can stop himself, Ivar finds himself asking, "Would you still stay with me even if people found out?"
no subject
"I would but one day I might resent it," he said, he loved his position, he relished the respect of his colleagues and he couldn't guarantee that some point if all that were lost he wouldn't harbor some ill feelings.
no subject
"I wouldn't want that." The resentment would be a wedge between them and likely drive them apart at some point. Ivar didn't have very many good things happen in his life. Heahmund was one of the few and he wanted to hold onto him for as long as he could.
no subject
Age gave him the luxury to have that point of view.
no subject
"You must really love me to put up with so much," he says, words light but with a heavier tone behind them. Ivar's never had anyone who wasn't his parents or Floki who cared for him this much.
no subject
"Do you not really love me as well?" it's somewhat teasing.
no subject
Ivar leans all the way over, kissing Heahmund on the edge of the mouth. "You already know the answer to that," Ivar says. He loves Heahmund so much and he doesn't see that changing anytime soon. He wants Heahmund around for the long haul.