It's a couple days after Rita's birthday and Gar and Tommy are laying in bed after getting her down to sleep. His fingers were interlaced with Tommy's as he glances over at him.
Gar meets Tommy's gaze. His fingers tightening their grip on his hand. It's so strange that they went from an accidental knock up to this... to Tommy wanting, to saying he wanted another kid before it had even crossed Gar's mind.
Gar smiles a little at the reassurances, the touches.
"Just... what if it's just difficult again and I'm sick and then you'd be having to do so much more than you already do because I could barely take care of myself last time Tommy."
And growing a life inside of you and raising a tiny human are still terrifying and Gar still feels like he's never not afraid something will happen.
"I want another one too. I'm just... scared I'd fail you and our kids... our family. And you'll tell me I won't and there's no way but it doesn't make me not afraid of it."
"Would... it be wrong to retire?" Tommy asks. Sure, they're young, but they're men with a family now. A kid dependent upon them. He'd rather be there for Rita, and know he would be there at the end of every day.
"Being with you and our family is worth it," Tommy grins. ANd yeah, he'll drop it all for Gar. "I mean, if I see people that need rescued in front of me, I'll do it. I can't just not. I wouldn't be me. But I'll give up the super heroics."
"That's not really what I'm asking," Gar points out. "I don't want you to
settle for something because then you'd just be showing our kids it's okay
to settle."
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"Do you really want another one already?"
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"I'm scared," he finally said.
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“I’m not saying I don’t want to, Tommy... I’m just scared,” Gar bit down on his bottom lip and he frowns as he looks at him.
“What if it’s just as hard as last time and then I’m a shitty parent to Rita the whole time...”
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"Just... what if it's just difficult again and I'm sick and then you'd be having to do so much more than you already do because I could barely take care of myself last time Tommy."
And growing a life inside of you and raising a tiny human are still terrifying and Gar still feels like he's never not afraid something will happen.
"I want another one too. I'm just... scared I'd fail you and our kids... our family. And you'll tell me I won't and there's no way but it doesn't make me not afraid of it."
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"Whatever you want, babe. But I promise, you'll be good at it. Because you know how to handle it all already."
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"We can try and if it happens then it's meant to," Gar says, chewing his lip. "It'll make it even harder for us to work."
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"What would you do if you retired? Can you really leave all that behind?"
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"That's not really what I'm asking," Gar points out. "I don't want you to settle for something because then you'd just be showing our kids it's okay to settle."
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“You’re really sure you don’t want to wait until Rita is a little older?”
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“I do want it, Tommy,” Gar frowns but doesn’t lift his head. “I just worry, we’ll do it and neither of us will really be ready.”
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"How many do you want, Tommy?"
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Not that their Rita was intentional.
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"We can try."
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“Take some time to think about it.”