"If he had requested to, well, court you - rather than taking you first - I would have been a little surprised, but as it is the right way to do things, and if you had been willing, I would have agreed."
He closes his eyes for a moment, squeezing them against grief that still comes in deep waves, even though he is slightly less likely to drown in them these days.
"We all love deeply, the descendants of Lan An. Emotions strong like a gale, like the tides. We are caught in them, and often get trapped into situations we cannot escape and only bring pain. Think of what you must know of my father; think what you witnessed for more than a decade and a half of my brother - it would have been more, had other circumstances not alleviated his pain."
He looks out in the direction of the Wall of Rules. "And the rules we all grow up with show a path, but in the end, we can only walk it so far."
Jingyi looks at him doubtfully, considering he'd been even younger when they'd first gotten involved and well, it wouldn't have mattered because when they first got involved it was just about sex and a fun time and neither of them had meant for it to become more and then it had. None of it matters now anyway.
Jingyi's gaze lowers as the other continues talking.
"But it's not my emotions that is causing the pain," he mumbles and then shakes his head. There's really nothing that will make him feel better. He couldn't even keep his anger at Lan Xichen.
Xichen hums, not pointing out that missing him is also an emotion - that is beside the point, and it will not help.
Instead, he gently leans over, and smooths Jingyi's robes, without trying to fix anything - not berating him over anything, but trying to offer comfort.
"It will not be for all that long. He is alive and well. Take heart in your hope. Hope is worth that."
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He closes his eyes for a moment, squeezing them against grief that still comes in deep waves, even though he is slightly less likely to drown in them these days.
"We all love deeply, the descendants of Lan An. Emotions strong like a gale, like the tides. We are caught in them, and often get trapped into situations we cannot escape and only bring pain. Think of what you must know of my father; think what you witnessed for more than a decade and a half of my brother - it would have been more, had other circumstances not alleviated his pain."
He looks out in the direction of the Wall of Rules. "And the rules we all grow up with show a path, but in the end, we can only walk it so far."
no subject
Jingyi's gaze lowers as the other continues talking.
"But it's not my emotions that is causing the pain," he mumbles and then shakes his head. There's really nothing that will make him feel better. He couldn't even keep his anger at Lan Xichen.
"I miss him."
no subject
Instead, he gently leans over, and smooths Jingyi's robes, without trying to fix anything - not berating him over anything, but trying to offer comfort.
"It will not be for all that long. He is alive and well. Take heart in your hope. Hope is worth that."