Teddy had never really explicitly said he didn't want to and it had made it all confusing but Gar should have known better somehow. He bites his lip.
"So I guess I am up against him anyway." There's only a second before Gar says "I'm sorry that's not really fair."
Gar lifts his shoulders. "I'm just... I never feel good enough.. for the Titans, for you. Because you're amazing and I'm just a nerd who was experimented on."
Gar tilts his head so his cheek presses against the other's hand. He almost says something related to what Cadmus had done to him but he hadn't told Teddy about that. There was still too much guilt and shame and it's better in it's box deep in the recesses of his mind and only coming out for nightmares most of the time.
"I'm good at that," Gar says. Finally he pushes away from the ledge and turns to press close to Teddy, his arms wrapped around him to hug him tight. "I don't want to lose you."
"I don't want to be lost. You're... It's hard, you know, living life as a shifter. No one gets it. Except, well, except you. And you're a nerd too and you care about me, and you're warm. You make any room you walk into fill with light."
"Gar? I'm a shapeshifter, in a way that you aren't. I learned long ago how to make it so that I'm always smiling. How to hide everything that hurts or scares me or anything like that. And... I know how hard it is to make those fake smiles get to your eyes."
Gar looks down and really most people didn't see through him. They saw his smile and his friendliness and his compassion and that's all they thought there was. Even Dick tends to only see what Gar shows on the outside and thinks he's fine and he's been anything but fine. He opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out.
Instead he feels his eyes burning and that's... the worst. "You make me happy," he finally says, he makes him happy more than anyone. "I'm just... sort of damaged otherwise," he mutters and maybe that's one of the most open things he's admitted to Teddy since they've met.
"You don't know what I've done, Teddy," Gar says and he regrets saying it, exhaling shakily against the other's chest. How does Teddy say I love you so easily? Gar had come around to saying it but it doesn't come out as often or easily even if he very much does love Teddy.
Gar doesn't completely believe that but Teddy doesn't ask and so he doesn't tell him. He swallows as he looks up at him feeling his hand warm on his jaw.
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"So I guess I am up against him anyway." There's only a second before Gar says "I'm sorry that's not really fair."
Gar lifts his shoulders. "I'm just... I never feel good enough.. for the Titans, for you. Because you're amazing and I'm just a nerd who was experimented on."
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"You make me happy. That's amazing. I hadn't thought a guy could do that for me again."
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"I'm good at that," Gar says. Finally he pushes away from the ledge and turns to press close to Teddy, his arms wrapped around him to hug him tight. "I don't want to lose you."
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And he definitely likes the guy. A lot.
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"Can you stay for a while?"
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It comes with a relationship.
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And he has to deal with it.
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"Let's go to the tower?"
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The tower is far to go, he doesn't really want that. He doesn't want to lose the neutral ground here.
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"I'm always happy."
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Teddy frowns softly.
"I want to make it so your smiles are real."
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Instead he feels his eyes burning and that's... the worst. "You make me happy," he finally says, he makes him happy more than anyone. "I'm just... sort of damaged otherwise," he mutters and maybe that's one of the most open things he's admitted to Teddy since they've met.
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"I want you to be happier, Gar. I want those smiles to come from your heart being full of joy and love."
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"I love you," he finally says.
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"Well, that makes me happy. This smile? It's real. And only yours."
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"I kind of want you to spend the night and hold me."
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IT's, if nothing else, a peace offering.
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This might be a good ftb?