Wen Zhuliu knew that he deserved any doubts that Lan Xichen had. He's almost surprised that the other hasn't drawn the sword and attacked him yet. Still there's a part of him that aches at the question, maybe even more because of the honest answer. He doesn't avert his gaze, he would be honest and the other would take it as he does.
Wen Zhuliu is a man of very few words, but he must speak here. "At first, I suspected he had ulterior motives. He did not expect to see me grow to care about you and I fear that he started to doubt my loyalty and that is why he made this move..."
There's a brief pause and for the first time Wen Zhuliu does look away. There's a feeling of guilt in what he says next because his loyalty is at the core of who he has been for so many years.
Lan Xichen had thought that Wen Ruohan had grown impatient and unwilling to wait for a marriage to take place, or perhaps he doubted that Lan Xichen would be true to his word and truly allow Wen Zhuliu the freedom he promised.
He had not anticipated that Wen Zhuliu's loyalty was in question. He had allowed himself the sentimentality of believing that Wen Zhuliu wouldn't have wanted to do it, that it would have perhaps even hurt him, but Lan Xichen had not considered that he was enough to make Wen Zhuliu contemplate an alternative route, that he might consider staying with him.
He had never been enough for that, not even with his own parents.
His hand drops from Shuoyue entirely.
"I had ulterior motives too. I had hoped that when we were married, you might let me convince you that you deserved better."
The times they'd spoken before, he'd made it clear enough that he liked Wen Zhuliu's company, even shared his appreciation for him as a person, separate from his admiration of his skill. He'd been very careful not to speak out against Wen Ruohan, or go to much into his opinions on the way his sect leader used him as though he were little more than a guard dog or a weapon - he had not wanted to push his husband to be away before they were even officially betrothed.
Wen Zhuliu notes the other’s hand dropping from Shuoyue and something in
him relaxes a little. The other believes him. He knew the others feelings
about Wen Ruohan and how Wen Zhuliu was treated but it is never put
completely plain and bare before.
“No, I am supposed to be attending to something else but I came to find you
instead.”
It probably says something else about his foolishness that Lan Xichen believes him, but - Wen Zhuliu had always been honest, even when carrying out orders that Lan Xichen might not have personally agreed with. Quiet, but steady. If he were truly here on direction from Wen Ruohan, he would not lie about it. He would not pretend to care for Lan Xichen only to get him to lower his guard.
Lan Xichen trusts what he says.
Which brings up another worry, however, and his brows furrow a little.
"How long before you are missed? I do not want you put in danger."
Because of me, he doesn't say, but it still hangs in the air.
"A few days at most, but I am not returning to them," Wen Zhuliu states, and it pains him some, confuses his sense of loyalty and morality. The moral thing is not the loyal thing and it is an internal conflict he has been struggling with for sometime even before Lan Xichen. He steps closer, watching the other to make sure he didn't seem to want him not to. One word and he would back away obediently.
"I would stay with you if you will let me."
Lan Xichen is a more honorable person to serve, to protect...and Wen Zhuliu does care for him very deeply. He had wanted that betrothal.
Lan Xichen doesn't move forward to meet him, but he doesn't step back or give any indication that he doesn't want the other to come closer, either. So much has happened in such a short time span that he hardly knows how to process this.
It's only Wen Zhuliu saying that he would stay with him that spurs him into action. He closes the distance between them, tentatively reaching out to take one of the other's hands in his and thread their fingers together.
"Of course I will let you. I did not consent to our betrothal because of the potential alliance." He would have anyway, if he had truly believed it was what was best for his Sect, but he would have waited until the terms were completely negotiated to change his stance from considering the proposal to consenting to it. "But are you sure? Zhuliu, I would not blame you for hesitating. Circumstances are different now, and I understand your loyalty."
He doesn't like it, and he knows now more than ever that it's misplaced, but he understands it. He knows what this will cost the other.
Wen Zhuliu feels something in him relax when the other comes close as their fingers thread together. It only solidifies in him that he has made the right choice no matter how difficult it is to turn his back on Wen Ruohan.
"It's already decided," Wen Zhuliu says simply, meeting the other's eyes. The dissonance Wen Ruohan caused for his morals had become too much. And he had not been blind to knowing that Xichen thought his loyalty was misplaced.
"I would like to place my loyalty to someone I do not have to think twice if it is wrong or right before following their orders."
It feels - wrong, somehow, to smile when he doesn't know the fates of his brother and uncle, of his disciples, of Cloud Recesses itself. But he smiles anyway when Zhuliu meets his eyes, expression fond and eyes hopeful. For the first time, he feels as though something has gone right. As though, perhaps, he may have hope.
"No orders," he says, giving the other's hand a squeeze. "Only decisions we make together."
"You are the leader," Zhuliu says quietly, he will help him make decisions but in the end they will still be Xichen's to make. He looks down at their hands and squeezes back.
Feeling particularly daring - or, perhaps, more easily able to drop some of his restraint when he has already been on the run, more eager for closeness with the man who he thought he lost before he even had him, perhaps he should remember that his rut is not too far off - he lifts their joined hands up so he can press a kiss to Zhuliu's fingertips.
"And I will be by yours."
In a few years, maybe they can learn each other well enough to find a balance, maybe Lan Xichen will be able to convince him to have a true partnership, but for now this is more than enough.
Wen Zhuliu nods, stepping closer once the other had kissed his fingers. He reaches out and his bicep caressing down to take the other's hand.
"I will fight for you," Zhuliu promises him. There is a war and he knows that much misery and tragedy is to come. He moves closer still their bodies inches apart.
And standing close like this, their hands entwined, he has no chance in resisting the urge to lean in and kiss him. It's soft at first, since he only meant it as a promise for something more, but he rather quickly gets carried away. His breath is coming a little faster when he pulls back.
"I will protect you."
Zhuliu doesn't really need protection, Lan Xichen knows this, but he needs to offer it anyway. He is a sect leader, an alpha, and in the last week he has failed in protecting his family, his sect, his home. He's determined that he won't fail to protect the man who has now risked everything to be with him.
The man almost smiles, a small change in his face expression that's easily
missed, most people only saw a stoic face with no emotions. He returns the
kiss, the kiss that started so soft but as their lips slotted together it
turned into something else. He responds in kind, tasting Xichen until the
kiss ends.
"I know," he says instead of saying he doesn't need Xichen's protection, he
knows that Xichen needs to, that he's an alpha and Wen Zhuliu is the omega
that was to marry him.
For Lan Xichen, who has grown up with a brother who expresses himself in the most minute of facial expressions, he had little trouble noticing the subtle changes in Zhuliu's. That almost smile tells him more than enough, and he finds himself leaning back in to press a kiss to the corner of his lips.
There are no words that could properly express how much it means to him, when Zhuliu does not turn down his protection. At least he can still be worth something.
"Do you know how close any of them are to here?"
Will they have to continue on, or is it safe to stay the night? He isn't tired - he's starting to feel a little bit amped up, actually, perhaps a delayed effect of the adrenaline - but he is aware that stopping to rest will in the long run be more effective than constantly pushing.
Lan Xichen nods in agreement. He should draw up some talismans on the entrance to warn them of anyone approaching, perhaps even seal it off entirely - and yet he finds himself reluctant to pull away from Zhuliu.
He can feel his heart beating faster, a low simmering burn beneath his skin, but it's only when he realizes that he's at war with himself between the equally compelling urges to stand guard at the entrance of the cave in protection and to push Zhuliu up against the wall and kiss him until neither of them can breathe that he understands what's happening.
"I believe I may be about to go into rut. I thought I had more time, but it seems the circumstances have caused it to arrive sooner."
He sounds remarkably calm, for someone who is about to go into rut in a cave in the middle of nowhere, admitting that the stress of having his home destroyed and being on the run from a very powerful enemy has overwhelmed his system.
It takes everything in him not to lean into the touch on his cheek, and instead to let go of Zhuliu's hand. Xichen forces himself to take a step back, locking his hands behind him.
"You should go before it hits. I can - meet up with you in Qinghe, Sect Leader Nie will welcome you if he knows you are with me."
Zhuliu didn't look particularly surprised at the information and it's a dangerous thing to have happen now but it makes sense that it would. He frowns when the other pulls away, telling him to leave. He shakes his head.
"I said I will be by your side," He returns, stepping closer to Xichen again and meeting his eyes as his hands smooth down the other's upper arms.
"You are." His response is immediate, just in case the other has any doubt about whether Xichen still wants the betrothal. And he should step back again, he knows, but he cannot find it in himself to move away.
"I do not want you to feel obligated."
He is not worried that he would hurt Zhuliu - all Lans are taught meditation techniques to dampen the effects of their ruts and heats, and as the heir to the sect he had grown up understanding that this would be even more important for him. He has never had a rut where he had lost himself to such an extent, and even were this the exception, Zhuliu is more than capable of defending himself.
But he is afraid that the other will go along with it only because he has promised to stay by his side, because they are betrothed and it would be expected of him.
"If you are to stay, let it be because you want it, and not because you see it as your duty."
"It is what I've chosen," Zhuliu reminds him, his voice low. He chose Xichen and that meant everything that came with him. He wants to be by his side, he wants all of this.
Xichen pulls in a breath, meant to calm himself - but all it does is fill his lungs with the other's scent, all it does is make him want more. He nods resolutely, letting himself reach out again to curl one hand around the back of Zhuliu's neck and pull him in for a kiss.
"Forgive me," he says quietly. "For needing to be certain."
Nothing in his life is certain, right now, but at least he can have this.
Zhuliu kisses him openly, pressing closer to his alpha. His nose brushes against the other's cheek as Xichen speaks. He can understand the other, why he needs it. "Mm," he acknowledges. He wouldn't have been surprised if at this time Xichen couldn't trust him truly so when the other does say it, he's relieved.
The other going into rut puts them both in vulnerable positions considering the circumstances but Zhuliu does think they have time before anyone would search this way.
There's a hum of satisfaction when Zhuliu presses closer, and he smiles into the kiss. He will make sure that he is worthy of the trust that his omega - his omega - places in him, and he pulls back just enough to sketch a sealing talisman in the air and push it out to cover the entrance. No one will hear them, at least, and even if someone powerful enough to break it finds them, they will have some warning.
Though in all honesty, he can't be sure if it's because he still has enough presence of mind to think tactically, or because his instincts to protect have gotten stronger.
Then he tangles his fingers in Zhuliu's robes, giving an almost playful tug - he can feel the urgency creeping in, but it is not yet strong enough that he can't hold it at bay.
"I would like the first time I see you to be while I am still at least mostly clear headed."
It is a good idea, one that they might end up very grateful for if Zhuliu is wrong. His eyes are on his alpha as the other tugs at his robes, hearing his statement, the request. His hands move to undo his robes deftly, undressing for the other quickly, efficiently and not wasting time trying to tease or any such thing. That would only hasten the other losing his clear head.
The robes are all discarded and he pushes down his trousers to leave his body bare to Xichen's eyes. He didn't think they would do this together so soon. There was still quite a bit of time before they were going to be married but he is still glad it is him here with Xichen and not anyone else and that Xichen isn't alone.
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no subject
Wen Zhuliu is a man of very few words, but he must speak here. "At first, I suspected he had ulterior motives. He did not expect to see me grow to care about you and I fear that he started to doubt my loyalty and that is why he made this move..."
There's a brief pause and for the first time Wen Zhuliu does look away. There's a feeling of guilt in what he says next because his loyalty is at the core of who he has been for so many years.
"He was right to doubt my loyalty to him."
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Lan Xichen had thought that Wen Ruohan had grown impatient and unwilling to wait for a marriage to take place, or perhaps he doubted that Lan Xichen would be true to his word and truly allow Wen Zhuliu the freedom he promised.
He had not anticipated that Wen Zhuliu's loyalty was in question. He had allowed himself the sentimentality of believing that Wen Zhuliu wouldn't have wanted to do it, that it would have perhaps even hurt him, but Lan Xichen had not considered that he was enough to make Wen Zhuliu contemplate an alternative route, that he might consider staying with him.
He had never been enough for that, not even with his own parents.
His hand drops from Shuoyue entirely.
"I had ulterior motives too. I had hoped that when we were married, you might let me convince you that you deserved better."
The times they'd spoken before, he'd made it clear enough that he liked Wen Zhuliu's company, even shared his appreciation for him as a person, separate from his admiration of his skill. He'd been very careful not to speak out against Wen Ruohan, or go to much into his opinions on the way his sect leader used him as though he were little more than a guard dog or a weapon - he had not wanted to push his husband to be away before they were even officially betrothed.
But now there is nothing holding him back.
"Did he send you after me?"
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[ whoops quick phone tag here. ]
Wen Zhuliu notes the other’s hand dropping from Shuoyue and something in him relaxes a little. The other believes him. He knew the others feelings about Wen Ruohan and how Wen Zhuliu was treated but it is never put completely plain and bare before.
“No, I am supposed to be attending to something else but I came to find you instead.”
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Lan Xichen trusts what he says.
Which brings up another worry, however, and his brows furrow a little.
"How long before you are missed? I do not want you put in danger."
Because of me, he doesn't say, but it still hangs in the air.
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"I would stay with you if you will let me."
Lan Xichen is a more honorable person to serve, to protect...and Wen Zhuliu does care for him very deeply. He had wanted that betrothal.
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It's only Wen Zhuliu saying that he would stay with him that spurs him into action. He closes the distance between them, tentatively reaching out to take one of the other's hands in his and thread their fingers together.
"Of course I will let you. I did not consent to our betrothal because of the potential alliance." He would have anyway, if he had truly believed it was what was best for his Sect, but he would have waited until the terms were completely negotiated to change his stance from considering the proposal to consenting to it. "But are you sure? Zhuliu, I would not blame you for hesitating. Circumstances are different now, and I understand your loyalty."
He doesn't like it, and he knows now more than ever that it's misplaced, but he understands it. He knows what this will cost the other.
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"It's already decided," Wen Zhuliu says simply, meeting the other's eyes. The dissonance Wen Ruohan caused for his morals had become too much. And he had not been blind to knowing that Xichen thought his loyalty was misplaced.
"I would like to place my loyalty to someone I do not have to think twice if it is wrong or right before following their orders."
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"No orders," he says, giving the other's hand a squeeze. "Only decisions we make together."
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"But I will be by your side."
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"And I will be by yours."
In a few years, maybe they can learn each other well enough to find a balance, maybe Lan Xichen will be able to convince him to have a true partnership, but for now this is more than enough.
"Thank you."
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"I will fight for you," Zhuliu promises him. There is a war and he knows that much misery and tragedy is to come. He moves closer still their bodies inches apart.
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And standing close like this, their hands entwined, he has no chance in resisting the urge to lean in and kiss him. It's soft at first, since he only meant it as a promise for something more, but he rather quickly gets carried away. His breath is coming a little faster when he pulls back.
"I will protect you."
Zhuliu doesn't really need protection, Lan Xichen knows this, but he needs to offer it anyway. He is a sect leader, an alpha, and in the last week he has failed in protecting his family, his sect, his home. He's determined that he won't fail to protect the man who has now risked everything to be with him.
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The man almost smiles, a small change in his face expression that's easily missed, most people only saw a stoic face with no emotions. He returns the kiss, the kiss that started so soft but as their lips slotted together it turned into something else. He responds in kind, tasting Xichen until the kiss ends.
"I know," he says instead of saying he doesn't need Xichen's protection, he knows that Xichen needs to, that he's an alpha and Wen Zhuliu is the omega that was to marry him.
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There are no words that could properly express how much it means to him, when Zhuliu does not turn down his protection. At least he can still be worth something.
"Do you know how close any of them are to here?"
Will they have to continue on, or is it safe to stay the night? He isn't tired - he's starting to feel a little bit amped up, actually, perhaps a delayed effect of the adrenaline - but he is aware that stopping to rest will in the long run be more effective than constantly pushing.
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"You should rest while there is the opportunity."
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He can feel his heart beating faster, a low simmering burn beneath his skin, but it's only when he realizes that he's at war with himself between the equally compelling urges to stand guard at the entrance of the cave in protection and to push Zhuliu up against the wall and kiss him until neither of them can breathe that he understands what's happening.
"Oh no."
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"What is it?"
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He sounds remarkably calm, for someone who is about to go into rut in a cave in the middle of nowhere, admitting that the stress of having his home destroyed and being on the run from a very powerful enemy has overwhelmed his system.
It takes everything in him not to lean into the touch on his cheek, and instead to let go of Zhuliu's hand. Xichen forces himself to take a step back, locking his hands behind him.
"You should go before it hits. I can - meet up with you in Qinghe, Sect Leader Nie will welcome you if he knows you are with me."
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"I said I will be by your side," He returns, stepping closer to Xichen again and meeting his eyes as his hands smooth down the other's upper arms.
"Am I not your intended?"
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"I do not want you to feel obligated."
He is not worried that he would hurt Zhuliu - all Lans are taught meditation techniques to dampen the effects of their ruts and heats, and as the heir to the sect he had grown up understanding that this would be even more important for him. He has never had a rut where he had lost himself to such an extent, and even were this the exception, Zhuliu is more than capable of defending himself.
But he is afraid that the other will go along with it only because he has promised to stay by his side, because they are betrothed and it would be expected of him.
"If you are to stay, let it be because you want it, and not because you see it as your duty."
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"Does that not tell you?"
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"Forgive me," he says quietly. "For needing to be certain."
Nothing in his life is certain, right now, but at least he can have this.
"I know I can trust you."
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The other going into rut puts them both in vulnerable positions considering the circumstances but Zhuliu does think they have time before anyone would search this way.
"I trust you."
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Though in all honesty, he can't be sure if it's because he still has enough presence of mind to think tactically, or because his instincts to protect have gotten stronger.
Then he tangles his fingers in Zhuliu's robes, giving an almost playful tug - he can feel the urgency creeping in, but it is not yet strong enough that he can't hold it at bay.
"I would like the first time I see you to be while I am still at least mostly clear headed."
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The robes are all discarded and he pushes down his trousers to leave his body bare to Xichen's eyes. He didn't think they would do this together so soon. There was still quite a bit of time before they were going to be married but he is still glad it is him here with Xichen and not anyone else and that Xichen isn't alone.
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