[ Wu Xi bows his head when Jiang Cheng comes in and he offers him a small smile. Sable lifts her head briefly before seeming to lose interest instantly and returns to napping in Wu Xi's lap. He motions at the dinner and tea ready for his husband before answering. ]
It was good. I spent it thinking.
[ Wu Xi says calmly and he waits for Jiang Cheng to sit so he can serve him. At some point, Sable is peeking up again and manages to grab a bite of food and then scurries off to rest somewhere else where she won't be jostled as much. Some comfort she is sometimes... ]
[ It was a prompt more than anything else as he took off the guan that kept his hair in a tight knot in the back of his head. Groaning softly in relief, he rubs the sore spot and tries to make a mental note that he needed to switch up the style before he gets a bald spot. He catches movement as the sable scampers out of Wu Xi's lap. ]
Anything in particular?
[This was an actual question as he sits, offering a friendly smile. ]
[ Wu Xi watches Jiang Cheng intently and a part of him is caught with the desire to braid the other's hair but it's not in the Jiang style. Wu Xi hasn't left his southern styles, though... but it probably wouldn't do for the Sect Leader to wear them. In any case, he's not getting close enough to the other to braid his hair...
The little snake still on his wrist seems to sense his unease and he feels it shift, tightening as if trying to reassure him as the other questions.
He clears his throat at the question and his eyes lower a moment to gather his courage. He is a little bit afraid of bringing this up, afraid of the answer he feels is unavoidable. ]
We have yet to consummate our marriage... [ He finally starts. ]
I understand that this isn't what you wanted and if you would like a woman, please... let us consummate it and then take a mistress. It would be perfectly acceptable for a man of your position.
Cheng doesn't answer at first. And he doesn't storm off, like he's been prone to in the past, either. Apparently, Cheng was the only one who believed this arrangement was solely political and Wu Xi...well. He thought differently. And after being two months, could Jiang Cheng really blame him?]
Why do your want to consummate this?
[ He's going to ignore the permission of a mistress and his sect leader privileges. ]
What is your compulsion, A-Xi?
[ While his words are quiet, he winces as if he hadn't meant to let the endearment slip. ]
[ Wu Xi half expects the other to leave, or to demand that he leave. He feels his snake slithering around his wrist again and sable's head has perked up. ]
You should know that a marriage that isn't consummated could be nullified.
[ Wu Xi is partly practical and partly aching for connection and intimacy. He's mostly alone here, two guards from the south are allowed here with him and most of those in Yunmeng seem bothered by him. Wu Xi knows he's strange. He's a master of poisons, venoms, antidotes, he's nothing like the rest of the cultivation world. ]
There are political advantages but... there could be a time when you see no need for the alliance anymore...
[ Wu Xi is honest. He can't help himself. He looks up at Jiang Cheng. He knows they have grown closer, he tries not to let himself feel a flicker of hope at the endearment. ]
I understand that this isn't a marriage of love and that it is a means to an end but wouldn't it be better to properly seal it so it could not be undone? If you prefer women, I am sorry that I...
[ Wu Xi clears his throat and then makes himself continue. ]
I am attracted to men, to you but I do not expect you to reciprocate it.
[That... was part of the reason for this alliance. The Three Poisons bound to the Poison Master. It was weird, and now that the Cultivation World was aware that Jiang Cheng's Core was not his own since birth, there were people who thought the man who tried to single handedly exterminate demonic cultivators should meet a gruesome end. ]
At any given time, have I ever made any indication that I prefer women over men?
[Maybe this was why he was having such a hard time. A person with a penchant for small animals and elegant, detailed braids with the cunning for potions-a single person and not two that would be forever outside of his reach. He doesn't deserve favors from the gods. ]
Anyone who believes I would go back on my word is welcome to discuss it with Zidian.
[ And he does mean anyone. Any person who thought that Cheng would not dig his heels in and hold on tight was a fool. And a short lived one, at that. The problem was that he learned too well that the tighter he held onto something, the more slippery it became--usually because of blood. He meets Wu Xi's gaze, his own eyes steady.]
I have done nothing to garner your attraction, or affection, or anything. Any one person I have tried to keep close has slipped through my fingers...aided by their own blood.
[He bites his own lip and forces himself to continue looking. He doesn't want to lose what spider silk hold he has now.]
[ Wu Xi says quietly and he knows that his worries about their marriage being nullified are also irrational -- it does not fit with Jiang Cheng's character but, Wu Xi is the one in the foreign land. Surrounded by people who do not quite accept him.
He's quiet as the other continues to speak after that. He looks up at him, their eyes meeting. ]
[So, maybe he has some idea where to start. They are sitting across from each other with a table of food. Cheng stands and slowly moves around the table, chair in tow. When he sits again, he's beside Wu Xi. ]
You say things so boldly.
[Not a tease or admonishment. Simple fact.]
A-Jie raised us more than our parents did. I wanted to protect a girl and she refused that help. And I spent so much time rebuilding Lotus Pier after it had been sacked by Qishan Wen. I did it alone because I didn't want the other sects to think they would have a part of it and could have a say in what happens. The one man whom I thought I could rely on was too busy with his own machinations and... put on a front that he was too stupid to do so. I sacrificed a part of my land so that I could still see A-Ling and have him while he was growing up, if only a season at a time.
Wu Xi, I-- [He's lonely too. But he's not brave enough to admit it. Instead, he prepares a bowl of food, taking the best bits he sees, and then offers it to Wu Xi, his hands cupping the dish.]
This isn't a war. It isn't a rebuild from devastation. This isn't a hunt for evil. I truly don't know what I am supposed to do. Or what is expected from me.
[ Wu Xi worries for a moment that Jiang Cheng is about to walk out. But no... he just moves his chair. His eyes follow every movement he makes and he tilts his head as he listens intently, gaze intent as it usually is. He swallows by the end of it... not quite sure what he should say. He wants to reach out and touch him and his heart aches for all the other man has endured.
He hesitantly reaches out to accept the bowl with the hand that is snake free. Despite how small that snake is it is still dangerous and he doesn't want any harm to come to Jiang Cheng. ]
[He can't help but scoff at that. He has to think hard because... well because most of his decisions have been abyssmal. There really hasn't been anyone to guide him. But he nods, letting Wu Xi have his portion and then goes to take his own sticks for his meal.
Cheng doesn't eat much. His nerves are making his stomach protest food. And yes, he's still thinking and not looking forward to...talking. ]
[ Wu Xi eats and then once he finishes he pulls up the sleeve that had the snake. He tenderly coaxes it to uncurl around him so he can set it down. He has intentions to be close to Jiang Cheng and he doesn't want to worry.
He knows his husband is already done though he can't understand why he would be satisfied eating so little -- it is his fault.
Wu Xi furrows his brow briefly before reaching over, his hands aren't completely soft, he is trained in using a sword after all and is an admirable fighter but his hands aren't so calloused as most warriors. ]
[ The touch startles Cheng a bit and he looks up. He wasn't ready for that statement. He didn't think he was projecting so much on his face. He really thought he was better at hiding his thoughts and realizes belatedly that he wasn't wearing his usual scowl. ]
I didn't say I would.
[It's defensive. Even the way he straightens his back. But he doesn't remove Wu Xi's touch. There were countless ways that he could lose the other and many of them involuntary. And it's only now that he realizes that he really doesn't want to lose Wu Xi, either.
It shows in the way his jaw tightens and his eyes squint a little more. ]
[ Between the other's words and his actions, Wu Xi can understand a lot about him. He's not as stoic as he seems. There's more to him than anger. Wu Xi hesitates whether he should withdraw his touch but he lets it linger. ]
[Which, of course, makes it sound like Cheng has no concept of intimacy. He growls at himself in frustration. ]
It's...it's not easy to explain. I've tried to let others in. Maybe they push away. Maybe they leave me and refuse to return. Maybe they just die.
[He even holds his beloved nephew at arm's length. Cheng just knows he can't be close. He's the new sect leader of Jinling Tai now. There's no place for Jiang Cheng at his side. He looks from their joined hands and then up to his husband in name, grief and frustration and desperation clear on his face as his voice is a small croak. He's so tired of being hurt. It's enforced his walls to be indomitable, hasn't it? To think about whittling them down for anyone is terrifying.]
[ In truth, such things are easier said than done and Wu Xi doesn't know how to even explain it to Jiang Cheng. He doesn't like that he's frustrating the other, upsetting him. He shakes his head at the other's words, though.
Wu Xi won't push him away or leave. He won't die.
There's hesitation but Wu Xi decides he must be bold. He has to push through the other's fear somehow. He squeezes the other's hand and then he moves closer and then he's straddling the other's lap. ]
[Out of all the scenarios Cheng thought would happen, this wasn't one of them. For a full minute, he looks at Wu Xi in shock, his hands on the other's thighs, neither pulling closer nor pushing away. And then finally he relaxes, hands sliding up and around as Cheng leans his head forward against Wu Xi's shoulder. There's still tension in him, but it shudders out of him in small increments until he's clinging to his husband in name, taking in the other's scent in long draughts of air. ]
[ Wu Xi knows that the other definitely hadn't expected it and he had been prepared to be pushed away and scolded or worse. He leans in to press a kiss to the other's jaw, hesitant and then just relaxes against the other as the other's headrests on his shoulder and he's held by his husband like this for the first time.
He wraps his arms around Jiang Cheng, closing his eyes. ]
[ A small, choked sound comes from him. Promises he knows shouldn't be made. When he pulls his head back to look at Wu Xi, his eyes are wet and glassy. ]
[ Wu Xi hesitates and he doesn't take it back, doesn't apologize even as he meets the other's eyes. His hand comes up, cupping the other's cheek with his slender fingers. ]
Don't tell me what to do.
[ Wu Xi retorts with a hint of a mischievous smile. ]
[ Cheng does what is comfortable for him. A tsk, a roll of his eyes, and then he's resting his forehead against the other's. He's half afraid he's going to be pushed away even though Wu Xi has done nothing of the sort and in fact was more than inviting. His voice is low and the words are muttered almost sullenly.]
[ Wu Xi laughs quietly as their foreheads press together and enjoys that intimacy shared between them. He then tilts his head slowly, his lips coming closer to the other's after a few moments. ]
[ There is a moment's hesitation as a dozen questions zip through his head. Most of them about his own insecurity. However, he meets the distance, pressing his lips against Wu Xi's in a kiss that felt exhilarating to him even though his mind chided him in the chastity of it. ]
[ Wu Xi didn't know how Jiang Cheng would respond. He's taking a risk. But the risk would be worth it if it paid off. He inhales sharply when their lips do meet. It might be chaste but Wu Xi's arms tighten around the other man. He scoots closer to him on his lap, his legs wrapping and hooking behind the other. They're close, so close. ]
[He had parted just enough for the words to pass. He can practically feel the warmth of the other surround him. In just that moment, something breaks free and he dives in for another kiss, desperate and hungry. His hands shift back to Wu Xi's hips and pull him closer, making a needy sound in the process. ]
[ This is a victory. Even if this is all that happens right now it is a victory.
Wu Xi soaks in the intimacy, the touch and closeness. he presses in close and his arms are tight as the other kisses him again.
It's not chaste. It's anything but chaste and he moans into the other's mouth as their bodies fit closer together.
He finally unwraps his arms but just to instead drag his hands over the other's stomach and upward over his chest. There's so many layers but he doesn't care. ]
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secureserver2020-08-19 02:14 pm
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It was good. I spent it thinking.
[ Wu Xi says calmly and he waits for Jiang Cheng to sit so he can serve him. At some point, Sable is peeking up again and manages to grab a bite of food and then scurries off to rest somewhere else where she won't be jostled as much. Some comfort she is sometimes... ]
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[ It was a prompt more than anything else as he took off the guan that kept his hair in a tight knot in the back of his head. Groaning softly in relief, he rubs the sore spot and tries to make a mental note that he needed to switch up the style before he gets a bald spot. He catches movement as the sable scampers out of Wu Xi's lap. ]
Anything in particular?
[This was an actual question as he sits, offering a friendly smile. ]
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The little snake still on his wrist seems to sense his unease and he feels it shift, tightening as if trying to reassure him as the other questions.
He clears his throat at the question and his eyes lower a moment to gather his courage. He is a little bit afraid of bringing this up, afraid of the answer he feels is unavoidable. ]
We have yet to consummate our marriage... [ He finally starts. ]
I understand that this isn't what you wanted and if you would like a woman, please... let us consummate it and then take a mistress. It would be perfectly acceptable for a man of your position.
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Cheng doesn't answer at first. And he doesn't storm off, like he's been prone to in the past, either. Apparently, Cheng was the only one who believed this arrangement was solely political and Wu Xi...well. He thought differently. And after being two months, could Jiang Cheng really blame him?]
Why do your want to consummate this?
[ He's going to ignore the permission of a mistress and his sect leader privileges. ]
What is your compulsion, A-Xi?
[ While his words are quiet, he winces as if he hadn't meant to let the endearment slip. ]
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You should know that a marriage that isn't consummated could be nullified.
[ Wu Xi is partly practical and partly aching for connection and intimacy. He's mostly alone here, two guards from the south are allowed here with him and most of those in Yunmeng seem bothered by him. Wu Xi knows he's strange. He's a master of poisons, venoms, antidotes, he's nothing like the rest of the cultivation world. ]
There are political advantages but... there could be a time when you see no need for the alliance anymore...
[ Wu Xi is honest. He can't help himself. He looks up at Jiang Cheng. He knows they have grown closer, he tries not to let himself feel a flicker of hope at the endearment. ]
I understand that this isn't a marriage of love and that it is a means to an end but wouldn't it be better to properly seal it so it could not be undone? If you prefer women, I am sorry that I...
[ Wu Xi clears his throat and then makes himself continue. ]
I am attracted to men, to you but I do not expect you to reciprocate it.
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At any given time, have I ever made any indication that I prefer women over men?
[Maybe this was why he was having such a hard time. A person with a penchant for small animals and elegant, detailed braids with the cunning for potions-a single person and not two that would be forever outside of his reach. He doesn't deserve favors from the gods. ]
Anyone who believes I would go back on my word is welcome to discuss it with Zidian.
[ And he does mean anyone. Any person who thought that Cheng would not dig his heels in and hold on tight was a fool. And a short lived one, at that. The problem was that he learned too well that the tighter he held onto something, the more slippery it became--usually because of blood. He meets Wu Xi's gaze, his own eyes steady.]
I have done nothing to garner your attraction, or affection, or anything. Any one person I have tried to keep close has slipped through my fingers...aided by their own blood.
[He bites his own lip and forces himself to continue looking. He doesn't want to lose what spider silk hold he has now.]
That and I would have no idea where to start.
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[ Wu Xi says quietly and he knows that his worries about their marriage being nullified are also irrational -- it does not fit with Jiang Cheng's character but, Wu Xi is the one in the foreign land. Surrounded by people who do not quite accept him.
He's quiet as the other continues to speak after that. He looks up at him, their eyes meeting. ]
I am close to you already by being your spouse.
[ Wu Xi looks at him with a bit of longing. ]
I'm lonely. I...
[ He wishes he could take the words back. ]
You have no idea where to start?
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You say things so boldly.
[Not a tease or admonishment. Simple fact.]
A-Jie raised us more than our parents did. I wanted to protect a girl and she refused that help. And I spent so much time rebuilding Lotus Pier after it had been sacked by Qishan Wen. I did it alone because I didn't want the other sects to think they would have a part of it and could have a say in what happens. The one man whom I thought I could rely on was too busy with his own machinations and... put on a front that he was too stupid to do so. I sacrificed a part of my land so that I could still see A-Ling and have him while he was growing up, if only a season at a time.
Wu Xi, I-- [He's lonely too. But he's not brave enough to admit it. Instead, he prepares a bowl of food, taking the best bits he sees, and then offers it to Wu Xi, his hands cupping the dish.]
This isn't a war. It isn't a rebuild from devastation. This isn't a hunt for evil. I truly don't know what I am supposed to do. Or what is expected from me.
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He hesitantly reaches out to accept the bowl with the hand that is snake free. Despite how small that snake is it is still dangerous and he doesn't want any harm to come to Jiang Cheng. ]
You think about it too hard.
[ Wu Xi looks down and he smiles. ]
Let's eat and then talk more.
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Cheng doesn't eat much. His nerves are making his stomach protest food. And yes, he's still thinking and not looking forward to...talking. ]
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He knows his husband is already done though he can't understand why he would be satisfied eating so little -- it is his fault.
Wu Xi furrows his brow briefly before reaching over, his hands aren't completely soft, he is trained in using a sword after all and is an admirable fighter but his hands aren't so calloused as most warriors. ]
You will not lose me.
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I didn't say I would.
[It's defensive. Even the way he straightens his back. But he doesn't remove Wu Xi's touch. There were countless ways that he could lose the other and many of them involuntary. And it's only now that he realizes that he really doesn't want to lose Wu Xi, either.
It shows in the way his jaw tightens and his eyes squint a little more. ]
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Mm.
[ Wu Xi breathes and he's nervous. ]
Let me be your spouse in more than just words.
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[Which, of course, makes it sound like Cheng has no concept of intimacy. He growls at himself in frustration. ]
It's...it's not easy to explain. I've tried to let others in. Maybe they push away. Maybe they leave me and refuse to return. Maybe they just die.
[He even holds his beloved nephew at arm's length. Cheng just knows he can't be close. He's the new sect leader of Jinling Tai now. There's no place for Jiang Cheng at his side. He looks from their joined hands and then up to his husband in name, grief and frustration and desperation clear on his face as his voice is a small croak. He's so tired of being hurt. It's enforced his walls to be indomitable, hasn't it? To think about whittling them down for anyone is terrifying.]
I just don't know how.
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Wu Xi won't push him away or leave. He won't die.
There's hesitation but Wu Xi decides he must be bold. He has to push through the other's fear somehow. He squeezes the other's hand and then he moves closer and then he's straddling the other's lap. ]
Hold me.
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He wraps his arms around Jiang Cheng, closing his eyes. ]
I'm here. I'll always be here.
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Don't promise such things.
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Don't tell me what to do.
[ Wu Xi retorts with a hint of a mischievous smile. ]
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Stubborn brat.
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[ Wu Xi laughs quietly as their foreheads press together and enjoys that intimacy shared between them. He then tilts his head slowly, his lips coming closer to the other's after a few moments. ]
Kiss me.
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Is that so hard?
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Wu Xi soaks in the intimacy, the touch and closeness. he presses in close and his arms are tight as the other kisses him again.
It's not chaste. It's anything but chaste and he moans into the other's mouth as their bodies fit closer together.
He finally unwraps his arms but just to instead drag his hands over the other's stomach and upward over his chest. There's so many layers but he doesn't care. ]
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gently switches to prose bc my brain is working better w it
fine by me! I prefer it
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