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[eternalgrief]

"I'm nothing more than a piece of chattel that was taken," Huaisang says, dropping his hand from his neck but not before he'd left red scratches from clawing at the ribbon.

It didn't matter if Xichen had treated him well, Huaisang had no real freedom and he couldn't stand it.

[equivocations]

"You're a wife, not livestock, and this is an arranged marriage to secure an alliance. Is that what possessed you to try to run away?" Mingjue sighs, sounding almost as exasperated as when Huaisang used to try to avoid sabre practice.

True, it did not start out as an arranged marriage so much as a concession made by the recently conquered Nie clan, but it has become so much more than that.

"I should have come to visit sooner. We are not subjugated, Huaisang. I still lead the Qinghe Nie, and Xichen has made good on every promise that he made." He raises his voice, as though specifically for Xichen to overhear. "Except for a nephew for me to raise as an heir, and another to ensure that the heir to the Lan clan is a Nie descendent."

[eternalgrief]

Huaisang wants to point out that this isn't really the same as a regular arranged marriage. There wasn't an alliance so much as a submission to the Lan's power but he wouldn't say that out loud as much as it burned on his tongue to spit at his brother. They had been too weak and Huaisang is what they gave over. For Huaisang, there has been no change in what it is, how he feels.

His jaw tightens and he wonders if how his brother's mind has been so twisted...

"You are like an animal that doesn't realized it's still chained."

[equivocations]

"And you are like a child who doesn't realize it's time to grow up and accept his responsibilities," Mingjue snarls, but it's clear he feels bad the moment it's out. "Huaisang..."

Xichen joins them again, though - he'd heard that comment about Mingjue wanting nephews, and assumed it was time for him to come back.

"You are welcome to join us, Mingjue - I did promise it to you both." He rests his hand on Huaisang's forehead, channeling some of his spiritual energy to try to heal him a little. "Perhaps you could use a little pleasure on the way back, Huaisang."

[eternalgrief]

Huaisang tries not to flinch at Mingjue's words but they silence him at least for the moment. It aches too much to keep arguing and he curls his hands into fists as Xichen draws nearer and because of the ribbon he can't jerk away from his touch and he wanted to even if that touch was meant to heal him. He didn't want to be touched again, especially not by Xichen. His breath is shuddered even as the other heals him.

"No," Huaisang says sharply at the mention of pleasure. He doesn't want it. He doesn't want to be forced anymore. "Please..."

[equivocations]

"No? Are you certain?" He runs his hands through Huaisang's hair, gently sweeping it away from his dirt and tear stained face. It's not lost on him that Huaisang would pull away from him, if he could, but that doesn't matter - he cannot, and it is past time that he learned that.

"We were not nearly finished when you ran away, A-Sang, and I have promises to fulfill. It will feel very long, if you do not wish to take pleasure with it. A few orgasms now would relax you."

He says it so easily, like he's not talking about forcing Huaisang to come while he's being carried in his brother's arms. Like he doesn't have his little cock locked down so tight that a true orgasm would be all but impossible.

[eternalgrief]

"No," Huaisang says again, still refusing to open his eyes. He wants him to stop touching him. He needs him to stop but he doesn't and Huaisang does his best to choke down another sob. "I don't want it."

Huaisang doesn't beg, though, he just curls into himself as much as he can in his brother's arms, trying not to show how humiliated he is by the way the other is talking, where Huaisang is and how he's dressed or rather not dressed.

[equivocations]

Xichen's expression falls, and he carefully draws his hand away. It will take time, he reminds himself, it will take time - it's his own fault that it's taken this long, that he's so late in claiming him.

It will be all right.

"All right, Huaisang, if that's what you want. When we get home, we'll get you cleaned up, and then we'll continue. Mingjue - would you like to join right away, or do you need to rest from your journey?"

Mingjue, who'd been watching Xichen's face fall, looks down at Huaisang. "Are you going to behave yourself this time?"

[eternalgrief]

Huaisang let’s out a sigh of relief as the others hand moved away. He still couldn’t get free of his brother but that wasn’t as horrible. He still can’t fathom the betrayal, though. He exhaled tiredly and with Mingjue around he couldn’t even contemplate how he could escape... what is there even to escape to?

It’s all pointless...

Huaisang just closes his eyes again and refuses to answer. He wants to pretend mingjue isn’t asking that.

[equivocations]

Mingjue looks back up at him, and Lan Xichen gives him a small, sad smile.

"I'll run him a bath, get him cleaned up, while you rest and get some food in you. The cook you graciously allowed to come teach ours a thing or two is expecting you."

Mingjue gives a grunt of agreement. "Send a servant to let me know when you're ready, and I'll join you. Or if you need help wrangling him again."

Lan Xichen locks his hands behind his back. "It isn't Huaisang's fault. I lost my temper, and I shouldn't have let my hurt feelings put him in danger."

They're at Cloud Recesses, by then, so Mingjue moves to hand Huaisang over to Lan Xichen - who deactivates the ribbon around his neck for only a moment, pinning it to his own shoulder instead of Mingjue's.

[eternalgrief]

Huaisang hand remains silent and he still refuses to speak as he’s handed over to Xichen. He wants to struggle but he doesn’t yet. He will. He will keep fighting but as he’s pinned to the others shoulder it’s like his energy drains all the more. The idea of a bath sounds good he must admit. He could still feel the dirty hands on him and as been pressed all into the dirt as well. It’s not something he is accustomed to after all.

[equivocations]

Mingjue departs for the kitchens, and Lan Xichen takes Huaisang up to their rooms. When they reach their admittedly ridiculously large bathing quarters, Lan Xichen seals the door behind them, then deactivates the collar and lets Huaisang down.

He takes a step back, watching him.

"I don't want to restrain your movement, but I will leave it up to you. Will you let me take care of you, or have you decided you trust me enough to believe that I would never let you drown, even if you can't move?"

It's honestly not a manipulation attempt, as far as he is concerned. Whatever Huaisang thinks about him, whatever his distaste - it has been over a month, and Lan Xichen genuinely wants to know.

[eternalgrief]

Huaisang immediately stumbles away from Xichen the moment he can. He still feels so disorientated and betrayed and it is almost as if nothing actually matters at all.

“I don’t trust you at all but you wouldn’t be able to use me if I was dead.”

[equivocations]

That's something, he supposes, even though he can feel his heart clenching a little. What has he done wrong, what did he - no, he knows. He knows he should have listened to his brother and his uncle, he shouldn't have been so soft, but he can't help it.

He is soft.

Well, at least he can soft with Huaisang for a little while before they continue.

The servants had already filled the bath in preparation, though of course it'd gone cold when Lan Xichen allowed Huaisang to leave. He uses a talisman to heat it back up.

"Shall I restrain you, then, or will you get in with me?"

[eternalgrief]

“I’ll get in,” Huaisang says, exhaling and a part of him wants to ask for Xichen to take the plug out but he refuses to give the satisfaction as he goes to pull off the straps of the excuse for an outfit he has been dressed in.

He doesn’t feel like he can ever get clean.

[equivocations]

Lan Xichen exhales slowly at that response, and goes to get a small basket containing items for bathing. He begins to undress himself, but waits until Huaisang has climbed into the bathtub before getting in himself.

Then he takes a soft cloth and some soap from the basket he'd set by him.

"Come here, let me wash you?"

[eternalgrief]

Huaisang silently gets into the bath and tries not to think about anything at all when the other soon follows. He’s tense, though, as the water shifts and shows the signs that he’s been joined. He braces himself for the other’s touch, eyes closing as he listens for Xichen to move closer.

[equivocations]

He soaps up the cloth, taking Huaisang's hand first to start somewhere a little less intimate - though the gentle dedication he gives to each of his fingers makes it difficult to be anything less than intimate.

"What would it take," he asks as he moves up Huaisang's arm, cloth moving in soft, sweeping motions. "To make you happy?"

[eternalgrief]

Huaisang looks away from Xichen as the other starts to clean him. His jaw is tense as the other works and he wants to pull away.

"I want to be free."

[equivocations]

Lan Xichen had expected that answer, and he considers that as he starts on Huaisang's other arm, sweeping the cloth down it.

"None of us are free, Huaisang." Oh, he's sure Huaisang doesn't see it that way, that he thinks of Lan Xichen as cruel and heartless, who's doing this all for his own amusement - but it isn't true.

He's quiet for a very long moment before he admits, "I would let you go if I could."

[eternalgrief]

"I don't believe you," Huaisang says and he doesn't. He's already been manipulated for what feels like an eternity by Xichen. He doesn't see any sincerity there. He wishes he could have bathed alone that cleaning himself would have maybe been relaxing he could have recovered a little from all that had just happened but instead...

Instead, he's here with him.

[equivocations]

"And there is no way for me to prove it."

He sighs, turning Huaisang's hand over and dropping the soap and the cloth in it, then moves away to lean back against the side of the tub, watching him.

"What would you have me do, Huaisang? Do you think I would not love to give you as much freedom as either of us could have, that I do not want to be able to trust you? I have a duty to the council of elders, to my uncle and my brother and my people, to your brother and the Nie clan, to you. I already went against our customs for you, to try to make this easier on you, and look where we are now. Tell me, then - how am I supposed to reconcile the expectations of so many?"

[eternalgrief]

Huaisang takes the soap and the cloth and he shifts to get further away as he starts to clean himself. At least there is that. After having so many unwanted hands on him, dirty hands doing awful things it calms him that he has control of this part even if only because Xichen is allowing it. He stays quiet but he listens as he washes himself, there are still some spots that are sore, that are far too sensitive and he's moves gingerly around them.

"You shouldn't have forced someone to marry you in the first place," Huaisang says and he knows he's not the first that the Lans have forced to marry and he is sure he won't be the last but if they went about things differently then the situation wouldn't be like this at all.

[equivocations]

His brows furrow briefly. Yes, yes, he is aware that Huaisang had been forced into this, that he continues to insist that he is little more than a spoil of war - and there is truth in it, of course. Of course Huaisang was a spoil of war, of course this marriage came about because the Lan won and the Nie lost, and it continues to strengthen the alliance between them.

But that it shouldn't have been done in the first place - he's at a loss.

"It is the way things are done. Surely you must have known, you would always have been destined for an arranged marriage? Is this so different, because we were at war? Have we not made a good alliance out of it?"

It feels strange to even ask such questions, and he shakes his head.

"Regardless, it is done, and this is where we are. What would you have me do?"

[eternalgrief]

Huaisang wouldn't say that things are better for Qinghe because of the alliance. He doubts that they are. They might allow Mingjue to lead there still but he is still under the Lan's thumb and many lives were lost and even Huaisang recognizes that. He works quietly on getting himself clean, still wanting to ask to remove the plug but too proud to do so and he just does his best to ignore it and the reminder of how it had felt when those men were trying to rip out of him.

"It is different," Huaisang says, his jaw tightening and the other had to know it was different. Mingjue would have never forced a marriage Huaisang was against on him... these circumstances were not the same.

He finally sets the soap and washcloth aside and sinks down into the water some, closing his eyes.

"You will do what you want to do so does it matter what I say? You already told me what you are going to do to me tonight."