[ They'd been friends for a while, when Zizhen's dad came up with the bright idea of how to secure higher status for the Ouyang Sect. The same thing had been tried a generation before, by the Yunmeng Jiang. Which had resulted in the young man who was to be the new Lanling Jin sect leader-- and, if Zizhen's dad got his way, Zizhen's new husband-to-be.
They make the trip from Baling to Lanling during a discussion conference to present the idea to the adults who are watching over Jin Ling now that Jin Guangyao is gone. Jiang Cheng is, of course, present for negotiations as well, as this concerns him too.
While the adults are behind closed doors, making decisions that affect more than just them, but Jin Ling and Ouyang Zizhen's whole futures, the pair in question wait in a nearby courtyard. Zizhen paces nervously, not sure what outcome she wants to arrive from the adults within. Sure, Jin Ling is attractive, and powerful, and rich. But he's her friend. Surely he doesn't want to wed her! He can't possibly think of her that way... Can he? ]
You know, [ she says, as she pauses in her pacing and turns to face her friend, ] We don't have to do this. Even if they agree on it, we can... We can defy their wishes. Break the engagement off.
[ Jin Ling would like to think he has more say in what direction his life goes than it actually does. The elders are still who is really in charge and this is the kind of decision they get to make without his consultation apparently. He thinks it could probably be worse... it could be someone dumb and annoying. At least Zizhen is smart and only sometimes annoying.
He knows that this would benefit Zizhen's clan quite a bit and as a friend he's not opposed to that but... to marry just for those reasons, because they're told too -- he hates it. ]
How would your father react to that?
[ Jin Ling smiles slightly as he tries to imagine the scene. ]
[ Zizhen's face falls. Jin Ling has a point. As much as Zizhen likes to rebel against her father, she does actually take her responsibilities as heir to their small sect seriously. That's one thing she and Jin Ling have bonded over, as friends. Something they have in common that their other junior disciple friends just don't understand. ]
He wouldn't like it...
[ She shrugs, still looking concerned, but like she's trying not to be too upset over this whole turn of events. ]
Yeah. But you could do a lot better than me. We both know it.
But would they be my friend? I don't think it'd be better.
[ Maybe not the most tactful way to say it. If he is going to have an arranged marriage whether he likes it or not at least he knows if it's Zizhen that it won't be completely miserable. And she's pretty. He's always thought she was pretty but Jin Ling had never really been one to allow himself to think further than that when it came to girls. He hadn't had time and he hadn't had the desire to open himself up to a relationship.
Now the relationship is to be very serious with someone who knew him better than anyone he would have chosen to court outright. ]
If you'd be unhappy I'll stand with you to stop it.
[ She laughs. Jin Ling is ridiculous. He really is too good for her, she thinks, but he has a good point, too. Why shouldn't your eventual spouse also be someone you consider a friend? Wouldn't that be better than some stranger you hardly know?
Giving up on her pacing, Zizhen moves to flop down on the steps leading up to the pavilion where all the adults are discussing. This whole situation they've found themselves in is also ridiculous. She can't help but laugh at where she's ended up. ]
No, you're right. It would be better to be friends with your husband or wife. That way, you can know they would always be honest with you, or call you out on your bullshit when you needed it. Instead of just being polite all the time.
[ She reaches a hand toward him, fingers making a grabbing motion. ]
C'mere. Sit with me. You know, I'm actually coming around to the idea a little bit? If only because the two of us together can blow all their tiny little heads when we put our minds to it.
[ Jin Ling had thought that she would agree with him that it is better that it be someone you are a friend with. At least, he knows he won't hate Zizhen and it won't be a totally unhappy marriage even if it isn't one that is formed of romantic love. He does love her. ]
You're going to call me on a lot of bullshit aren't you...
[ Jin Ling heaves a dramatic sigh but he nearly smiles as he sits down beside Zizhen. ]
That could be a bad thing or a good thing, honestly.
They had been courting for a long time now. Jin Ling had been hiding a secret from Sizhui for even longer and it is coming to haunt him. There's only so many times you can rebuff your lover, distract them with your hand and your mouth and keep theirs pressed away from the part of you that isn't what they'll be expecting. It's exhausting and the growing fear of being caught before he's honest...
Maybe he should break things off. That would be fairer right? He knows Sizhui's preferences, what he likes and he shouldn't have let it go on this long -- but Jin Ling didn't want to lose him.
It's more than just some casual thing between friends even if he hasn't said the words even to himself.
"Sizhui, stop," Jin Ling breathes out heavily as the other presses him back against the floor, feeling the weight of the other over him and their hips so close but Jin Ling is focused on keeping them from pressing too close together no matter how his core aches for the contact.
Sizhui's already-heavy breathing becomes labored, but he stills, closing his eyes for a moment. Why can't he just. Control himself. Restrain himself. Like he should? Jin Ling has done this enough times that Sizhui should know.
This is not what Jin Ling wants.
A moment, and Sizhui pushes himself back from the wall, bowing his head. Managing a smile, though he keeps his eyes down to hide the hurt. It's not fair to put that on Jin Ling. To put his own desires on the younger man. To even with a look accuse him - because it is Jin Ling's choice. It's right that he makes it known.
All of that just. Doesn't make it not hurt.
"Of course. I'm sorry - I got carried away. I am better than this, and I can do better, I promise. More respectful. I can do better."
Jin Ling hates that moment he watches the other blame himself, it's not Sizhui's fault. None of this is Sizhui's fault and he's not doing anything wrong and he doesn't know how much Jin Ling wants him, needs him. He bites down on his bottom lip as the other pulls away, knowing there's hurt in the other's expression. Jin Ling's hands curled into fists for a moment and he aches to pull him back.
"Sizhui... There's...You didn't do anything wrong."
Jin Ling swallows hard and he can't stand continuing to let the other blame himself and so if he has to lose him he...he'll just have to lose him.
"There's something I haven't told you."
Jin Ling bites his lip and he moves closer to the other taking his hand and guiding it between his legs. It's easier to let him feel than to say the words out loud.
Sizhui shakes his head slightly. Trying this again and again, making Jin Ling have to turn him down - how is that not doing anything wrong? But before he can point that out, Jin Ling is taking his hand and putting it--
there...
Even as it approaches, Sizhui's cheeks darken a little into a blush... and then.
His eyelashes flutter in surprise, eyebrows going up. He takes a deep breath, a moment to process - but he doesn't pull his hand away like he's touching something wrong.
Though he does shift it a little, to rest it at the inside of Jin Ling's thigh, if only to not make it difficult by applying pressure right there. Difficult or distracting. One of those things.
"A-Ling... will you... tell me what it means? For you?" Soft, and gentle. He knows this is something he can't understand without help, but he - he needs to understand. Even if it's not all right now.
Jin Ling's heart is racing and he's embarrassed and terrified and a little relieved when the other's hand doesn't immediately jerk away like the other is disgusted but still moves to his thigh. His stomach is in knots. He couldn't blame Sizhui if he hated him or got angry. Jin Ling had been lying to him since they'd met.
"I..." Jin Ling tries to start and expressing himself, his feelings had never been a strong suit. He looks to the side and he's not even sure how to answer the question.
He stutters a few more false starts and gets frustrated, tears welling in his eyes. He'd never actually thought through what the best way to talk about it would be if he ever told Sizhui.
"I was born like this," he says softly, finally. "But I knew I wasn't a girl," he feels the urge to run away. "I mean my body is but... I'm not," he knows he's probably not making any sense. "I'm sorry I never told you and I lied to you...and I know you're interested in guys and I'm not...normal."
Now it's hard to shut up. "I'm sorry. I don't want to lose you so I kept it a secret because I didn't want to disgust you but I just keep hurting you pushing you away when that's the last thing I want to do. A-Yuan...don't hate me."
[ Finally, the crowd parts enough to let them through and Zizhen leads Jin Ling out into the night air. The music and noise of the party can still be heard, muffled through the walls, but it's dark, and quieter out here.
She takes a deep breath, steadying Jin Ling on his feet and looking him over, concerned. ]
Alright. Are you still up for that piggyback ride? I don't want you throwing up in my hair.
[ Jin Ling might be embarrassed about all of this once he's sober
but right now he's just happy that she's there and she's got him. The fresh
air actually helps a little bit and he glances at the other and a small
smile tugs at the corner of his lip. ]
[ Because it could happen but he'd definitely prefer it didn't. He can't help a bit of a dopey smile as his arms are wrapped around her neck and he gets on her back. He nuzzles a little. ]
Jin Ling hums lightly in response to the compliment. He’s getting hard in his pants, it’s impossible not to when he’s around Sizhui — when the other is touching him, kissing him, it’s like he catches fire. His hands move down to push at his pants after that ghost of a touch.
He wants more. Everytime he thinks maybe they should hold back a little but he never can.
“You’re so hot. And you make me hot,” he breaths, drawing him in for another deep kiss.
Unable to help himself, Sizhui kisses down Jin's jaw and along his neck, nuzzling into it to take a short breather while he takes his time to just touch the other's body. Now that he can, he runs his fingers over as much skin as is exposed, inhaling at how quickly he gets excited.
It's crazy that this makes him so horny, and so fucking crazy, only touching like this, but he ends up hard as a rock and shifting his loose pants so that he's got one hell of a tent.
"This should be so wrong, but it feels right." Delicate fingers now skim over the line of Jin Ling's pants, pushing beyond the top to find what's underneath. He skirts around it at first, hesitant even though he shouldn't be.
Everything that Sizhui does is perfect and arousing and drives Jin Ling absolutely crazy. He tilts his head to the side and enjoys the kisses along his neck, the nuzzling that has him shivering just a little bit while the other explores him. He'd never get enough of this, enough of Sizhui. Maybe it should be more concerning how addicted he is to him and if Jin Ling thought too much he'd realize how terrified this all makes him because what if he loses him?
But it's easy to keep those thoughts at bay when he's so horny and Sizhui is horny and touching him.
Jin Ling's hands had started to explore the other but stop when the other's fingers move toward his pants, shivering as fingers slip underneath and there's a soft whine when the other doesn't touch his cock straight away.
she always runs to you first. never to me. she only wants my attention when she can't have yours. which, like I get it. I want your attention all the time, too.
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Jin Ling
arranged marriaaaaaage
They make the trip from Baling to Lanling during a discussion conference to present the idea to the adults who are watching over Jin Ling now that Jin Guangyao is gone. Jiang Cheng is, of course, present for negotiations as well, as this concerns him too.
While the adults are behind closed doors, making decisions that affect more than just them, but Jin Ling and Ouyang Zizhen's whole futures, the pair in question wait in a nearby courtyard. Zizhen paces nervously, not sure what outcome she wants to arrive from the adults within. Sure, Jin Ling is attractive, and powerful, and rich. But he's her friend. Surely he doesn't want to wed her! He can't possibly think of her that way... Can he? ]
You know, [ she says, as she pauses in her pacing and turns to face her friend, ] We don't have to do this. Even if they agree on it, we can... We can defy their wishes. Break the engagement off.
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He knows that this would benefit Zizhen's clan quite a bit and as a friend he's not opposed to that but... to marry just for those reasons, because they're told too -- he hates it. ]
How would your father react to that?
[ Jin Ling smiles slightly as he tries to imagine the scene. ]
You could do worse than me...
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He wouldn't like it...
[ She shrugs, still looking concerned, but like she's trying not to be too upset over this whole turn of events. ]
Yeah. But you could do a lot better than me. We both know it.
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[ Maybe not the most tactful way to say it. If he is going to have an arranged marriage whether he likes it or not at least he knows if it's Zizhen that it won't be completely miserable. And she's pretty. He's always thought she was pretty but Jin Ling had never really been one to allow himself to think further than that when it came to girls. He hadn't had time and he hadn't had the desire to open himself up to a relationship.
Now the relationship is to be very serious with someone who knew him better than anyone he would have chosen to court outright. ]
If you'd be unhappy I'll stand with you to stop it.
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Giving up on her pacing, Zizhen moves to flop down on the steps leading up to the pavilion where all the adults are discussing. This whole situation they've found themselves in is also ridiculous. She can't help but laugh at where she's ended up. ]
No, you're right. It would be better to be friends with your husband or wife. That way, you can know they would always be honest with you, or call you out on your bullshit when you needed it. Instead of just being polite all the time.
[ She reaches a hand toward him, fingers making a grabbing motion. ]
C'mere. Sit with me. You know, I'm actually coming around to the idea a little bit? If only because the two of us together can blow all their tiny little heads when we put our minds to it.
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You're going to call me on a lot of bullshit aren't you...
[ Jin Ling heaves a dramatic sigh but he nearly smiles as he sits down beside Zizhen. ]
That could be a bad thing or a good thing, honestly.
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Sizhui
Maybe he should break things off. That would be fairer right? He knows Sizhui's preferences, what he likes and he shouldn't have let it go on this long -- but Jin Ling didn't want to lose him.
It's more than just some casual thing between friends even if he hasn't said the words even to himself.
"Sizhui, stop," Jin Ling breathes out heavily as the other presses him back against the floor, feeling the weight of the other over him and their hips so close but Jin Ling is focused on keeping them from pressing too close together no matter how his core aches for the contact.
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This is not what Jin Ling wants.
A moment, and Sizhui pushes himself back from the wall, bowing his head. Managing a smile, though he keeps his eyes down to hide the hurt. It's not fair to put that on Jin Ling. To put his own desires on the younger man. To even with a look accuse him - because it is Jin Ling's choice. It's right that he makes it known.
All of that just. Doesn't make it not hurt.
"Of course. I'm sorry - I got carried away. I am better than this, and I can do better, I promise. More respectful. I can do better."
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"Sizhui... There's...You didn't do anything wrong."
Jin Ling swallows hard and he can't stand continuing to let the other blame himself and so if he has to lose him he...he'll just have to lose him.
"There's something I haven't told you."
Jin Ling bites his lip and he moves closer to the other taking his hand and guiding it between his legs. It's easier to let him feel than to say the words out loud.
"It's not your fault. It's my fault."
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there...
Even as it approaches, Sizhui's cheeks darken a little into a blush... and then.
His eyelashes flutter in surprise, eyebrows going up. He takes a deep breath, a moment to process - but he doesn't pull his hand away like he's touching something wrong.
Though he does shift it a little, to rest it at the inside of Jin Ling's thigh, if only to not make it difficult by applying pressure right there. Difficult or distracting. One of those things.
"A-Ling... will you... tell me what it means? For you?" Soft, and gentle. He knows this is something he can't understand without help, but he - he needs to understand. Even if it's not all right now.
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"I..." Jin Ling tries to start and expressing himself, his feelings had never been a strong suit. He looks to the side and he's not even sure how to answer the question.
He stutters a few more false starts and gets frustrated, tears welling in his eyes. He'd never actually thought through what the best way to talk about it would be if he ever told Sizhui.
"I was born like this," he says softly, finally. "But I knew I wasn't a girl," he feels the urge to run away. "I mean my body is but... I'm not," he knows he's probably not making any sense. "I'm sorry I never told you and I lied to you...and I know you're interested in guys and I'm not...normal."
Now it's hard to shut up. "I'm sorry. I don't want to lose you so I kept it a secret because I didn't want to disgust you but I just keep hurting you pushing you away when that's the last thing I want to do. A-Yuan...don't hate me."
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Mhm....
[ Jin Ling hums, stumbling along and so, so ready to not have to walk anymore. This whole thing was a mistake! ]
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She takes a deep breath, steadying Jin Ling on his feet and looking him over, concerned. ]
Alright. Are you still up for that piggyback ride? I don't want you throwing up in my hair.
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[ Jin Ling might be embarrassed about all of this once he's sober but right now he's just happy that she's there and she's got him. The fresh air actually helps a little bit and he glances at the other and a small smile tugs at the corner of his lip. ]
I promise not to throw up in your hair.
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[ But, she stops, positioning herself in front of him and looping his arms around her neck. ]
Alright, get on, you lazy bum.
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[ Because it could happen but he'd definitely prefer it didn't. He can't help a bit of a dopey smile as his arms are wrapped around her neck and he gets on her back. He nuzzles a little. ]
Mmmn.
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Jin Ling hums lightly in response to the compliment. He’s getting hard in his pants, it’s impossible not to when he’s around Sizhui — when the other is touching him, kissing him, it’s like he catches fire. His hands move down to push at his pants after that ghost of a touch.
He wants more. Everytime he thinks maybe they should hold back a little but he never can.
“You’re so hot. And you make me hot,” he breaths, drawing him in for another deep kiss.
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It's crazy that this makes him so horny, and so fucking crazy, only touching like this, but he ends up hard as a rock and shifting his loose pants so that he's got one hell of a tent.
"This should be so wrong, but it feels right." Delicate fingers now skim over the line of Jin Ling's pants, pushing beyond the top to find what's underneath. He skirts around it at first, hesitant even though he shouldn't be.
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But it's easy to keep those thoughts at bay when he's so horny and Sizhui is horny and touching him.
Jin Ling's hands had started to explore the other but stop when the other's fingers move toward his pants, shivering as fingers slip underneath and there's a soft whine when the other doesn't touch his cock straight away.
"Sizhui," he huffs out.
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she still likes you better than me, so I'm trying to curry her good favor.
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after all, I'm the woman of the house now.
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And I like that... woman of the house.
revives something old instead of starting something new
she only wants my attention when she can't have yours.
which, like
I get it.
I want your attention all the time, too.
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