Huaisang senses a familiar presence before he even hears his name but he wouldn't have believed it except when he looks up upon hearing his name there is his brother. The anger and grief turn into relieved confusion, just as heavy as the former. Is he seeing things? This all really must be some elaborate creation of his imagination.
"Da ge...?" his voice breaks a little and his hands grip tight on the cup of tea otherwise they'd be shaking. He's afraid to move, afraid to ruin the illusion of his brother. Thoughts of their clan are far from his mind in this moment. Mingjue had always been more important to him.
His eyes start to well up and he lowers his gaze. "What kind of trick is this?"
Mingjue has always thought more about the good of their clan. Not that he believes his half brother doesn't love or care about them - he just thinks more about their traditions and continuing them than Huaisang.
He takes a seat at the same table as his brother, arms settling at his thighs. These strange furnishings are too high for his liking - but he sits as stiff and properly as ever. He notices the grip Huaisang has on the cup, hears the break in that voice, and frowns at both.
His memories of the last little bit are...fragmented. He remembers going after the traitor Meng Yao and then...bits and pieces after that. He knows what it means.
"We will find out. Then we will get you home where you belong."
Huaisang really wants to just throw his arms around Mingjue but it has been a long time since physical affection came easily between them. So he just keeps his grip tight on the barely touched tea.
"You wouldn't be there," Huaisang says softly and saying it out loud brings back his anger at the betrayal. He's not afraid to tell Mingjue what all had happened if he wishes. He won't hide that he's been grieving. Despite his attempts not to cry, one or two tears escape him.
The closest in recent years had been down in the depths, where he'd expected them to die together. When he'd tried so hard to save his little brother, only for Huaisang to follow him down.
And then for Huaisang to save him, instead.
"No," he answers, wearily. "I would not. But our people would have you."
In the presence of Mingjue, it's hard not to revert to his old self, the him that existed before Mingjue died, before he started to understand all his responsibilities after seeing people die for him, after learning what it is his clan did.
"I don't want to be there," Huaisang says and he finally lets go of his cup, his hand going to the other's arm gripping it as if to make sure he is really there and the closest he can come to a hug and not come undone he's sure. "I couldn't lose you again, da ge!"
Being sect leader is no small thing. It weighs on one's mind and spirit. Mingjue knows. And he knows his brother's heart and his strengths.
He doesn't shove Huaisang's grasp off, though he also doesn't immediately return it. Only stares at the younger man, watchful. Noting the clear signs of grief and pain and knowing without doubt what had happened to put them there.
"Then I have failed to prepare you." Harsh words, he knows. But he is not a gentle man.
"How could you have prepared me for this?" Huaisang says and the words come out more harshly than he intends. He knows Mingjue knows him well enough that when he speaks further it won't be a shock to him.
"How could you have prepared me for your murder and the betrayal of someone considered family? Am I so wrong to not want to lose you again?"
Huaisang's voice doesn't waver, the steel resolve that had come after Mingjue's death showing. And Mingjue had always been above the clan for him, nothing had changed that.
"And I'm not you."
He can't lead the way that Mingjue did and he hasn't even begun to figure out how he leads.
The tone is actually reassuring. He knows his brother feels everything keenly. That he's perhaps more brittle than Mingjue himself is. He still sends a sharp look Huaisang's way, waiting for the rest to be said.
He's not disappointed. And he's a little proud of how steady his brother's voice is. The steel that has finally grown. That is why he finally claps a hand over his brother's and squeezes it.
"If you had listened you would be better prepared to lead. You would have everything you need."
Except him.
"Find one person you can trust. Lean on them. You will learn." Huaisang has to.
"I listened," Huaisang says but he'd also been in denial about Mingjue actually dying anytime soon. He'd spent too long thinking of him as invincible. He kept thinking later...later...later... The other's hand clasping over his makes him close his eyes because he has to stay composed. He can't fall apart and sob on his brother. He can't ever really fall apart again. Because while Mingjue is here at home there is no one. He shakes his head.
"I understand how to lead... You gave me everything but all I want is revenge. I can't trust anyone, da ge. How could I trust anyone now?"
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"Da ge...?" his voice breaks a little and his hands grip tight on the cup of tea otherwise they'd be shaking. He's afraid to move, afraid to ruin the illusion of his brother. Thoughts of their clan are far from his mind in this moment. Mingjue had always been more important to him.
His eyes start to well up and he lowers his gaze. "What kind of trick is this?"
no subject
He takes a seat at the same table as his brother, arms settling at his thighs. These strange furnishings are too high for his liking - but he sits as stiff and properly as ever. He notices the grip Huaisang has on the cup, hears the break in that voice, and frowns at both.
His memories of the last little bit are...fragmented. He remembers going after the traitor Meng Yao and then...bits and pieces after that. He knows what it means.
"We will find out. Then we will get you home where you belong."
no subject
"You wouldn't be there," Huaisang says softly and saying it out loud brings back his anger at the betrayal. He's not afraid to tell Mingjue what all had happened if he wishes. He won't hide that he's been grieving. Despite his attempts not to cry, one or two tears escape him.
no subject
And then for Huaisang to save him, instead.
"No," he answers, wearily. "I would not. But our people would have you."
no subject
"I don't want to be there," Huaisang says and he finally lets go of his cup, his hand going to the other's arm gripping it as if to make sure he is really there and the closest he can come to a hug and not come undone he's sure. "I couldn't lose you again, da ge!"
It's selfish.
no subject
He doesn't shove Huaisang's grasp off, though he also doesn't immediately return it. Only stares at the younger man, watchful. Noting the clear signs of grief and pain and knowing without doubt what had happened to put them there.
"Then I have failed to prepare you." Harsh words, he knows. But he is not a gentle man.
no subject
"How could you have prepared me for your murder and the betrayal of someone considered family? Am I so wrong to not want to lose you again?"
Huaisang's voice doesn't waver, the steel resolve that had come after Mingjue's death showing. And Mingjue had always been above the clan for him, nothing had changed that.
"And I'm not you."
He can't lead the way that Mingjue did and he hasn't even begun to figure out how he leads.
no subject
He's not disappointed. And he's a little proud of how steady his brother's voice is. The steel that has finally grown. That is why he finally claps a hand over his brother's and squeezes it.
"If you had listened you would be better prepared to lead. You would have everything you need."
Except him.
"Find one person you can trust. Lean on them. You will learn." Huaisang has to.
no subject
"I understand how to lead... You gave me everything but all I want is revenge. I can't trust anyone, da ge. How could I trust anyone now?"