[ Open Post 2020 ]

[fishtanks]

Comments

[garrrr]

One of Gar's hands curl up into a fist, trying not to let himself get hurt again. It doesn't work so well but he pushes it down.

"I told you I wanted it for me. I guess nothing I said was going to be enough? So I'm sorry about the whole fucking thing."

[hybrid_prince]

"And I had to pry that out of you, Gar. You don't just... I don't just have someone tell me to send them intimate pictures of myself to them over the phone. Telling me to just whip it out and send a picture when it could have been, like, Jason on the other line. We've never even..."

Never even seen each other without their clothes on, and wanted that in such a weird way.

"Doesn't my comfort in this sort of thing even matter?"

[garrrr]

"Yeah but..." Gar exhales.

"It doesn't matter. I won't do it again."

There's a lot more he could say but he just suppresses it because that's what he does. Because it's just easier and he's not actually good at confrontation.

[hybrid_prince]

"You... it's about Communication, Gar. It's about feeling like I can tell you that you made me uncomfortable. And I didn't. Because I was stupid. But I didn't... I don't like confrontation. I know, it's weird."

[garrrr]

"Would have been better if you'd just said that instead of making me feel like I wasn't good enough and you don't trust me and like you didn't want me," Gar mumbles. Because if he'd said it that way instead of how convoluted everything had been.

"I don't like confrontation either."

Which is why he mostly holds back on being open even now.

[hybrid_prince]

"Maybe you should have told me what you wanted and why without making it a battle."

Why was that so hard to accept?

[garrrr]

“I didn’t fucking think I was,” Gar snaps a little and then immediately deflated again. “I said I was sorry okay? Can we just stop.”

[hybrid_prince]

The problem is it isn't okay. But Teddy sighs and nods.

"Yeah. We... we'll stop."

[garrrr]

It just doesn't feel like it's over even though Teddy says they'll stop. He doesn't think Teddy can compartmentalize the way he does. He slouches down in the bench.

"I don't know what you want from me. I get it but it doesn't change how it made me feel."

[hybrid_prince]

"I... want us to talk. And To try and understand," Teddy sighs. "Like... I really want us to get to that point."

He finishes his ice cream and licks his fingers clean before settling his hands in his lap.

"I'm just... I'm not ready."

[garrrr]

"Didn't you already get your point across, Teddy? What else am I supposed to understand?"

Gar's hand rubs against his thigh and staying sitting is getting difficult. "I got that when you told me you didn't want to."

[hybrid_prince]

"I'm... scare this isn't going to work out. That if maybe I hold back too much, you won't want me around. Won't want me," Teddy admits, his voice soft and nervous.

[garrrr]

Gar works his jaw his fingers clenching a bit again.

"I said I wouldn't ask again, isn't that enough? What do you want me to do?"

[hybrid_prince]

"Be patient with me while I deal with all of this?" Teddy asks, sighing.

[garrrr]

"Deal with me wanting to see your dick?" Gar stands up, pacing a little then and he really wishes they weren't in public. This felt almost as humiliating as the whole end of the conversation before had been.

"How long did it take with Billy?"

[hybrid_prince]

Before they were initmate? Teddy blushes and looks away from Gar.

"A year and a half."

[garrrr]

"Oh," Gar deflates a little. He crosses his arms, it's not defiant but more the sort that's protective.

"I don't know what you want from me."

[hybrid_prince]

"Patience," Teddy sighs. "Let me get there? Let me be ready? When I'm ready, you'll be the first to know."

[garrrr]

There's a moment that Gar thinks about opening up but he doesn't feel like he can. So he just nods instead.

[hybrid_prince]

"I... really like you Gar, I want to get there too," Teddy promises, his voice now soft. But he's still nervous. "I do. I just... I'm not ready yet. It takes time."

[garrrr]

"Okay," Gar says softly, and he keeps pacing a little. He doesn't feel like he can say anything else. It feels like he's wrong for anything he feels.

[hybrid_prince]

"Please," Teddy says, reaching for Gar. "Tell me what you're thinking."

[garrrr]

"I can't," Gar says, his breath picking up a bit and he recognizes the panic. And it's stupid. He doesn't know how to without feeling like everything he says will be the wrong thing.

[hybrid_prince]

Oh no. That's his fault. Teddy rises and pulls Gar into his arms.

"I love you, Gar. I'm sorry."

[garrrr]

Gar doesn't know what to do with any of that. He just leans into Teddy because even with this stupid fight and everything he feels, Teddy's arms still feel like the safest place in the world.

"Why should you be sorry? I'm the one that fucked up."